Daft Punk – Around The World (Virgin Records America Promotional 12″) 1996

In 8th grade Daft Punk hit the scene and turned my world upside down.  At the time  I was wading in a sea of shitty punk and ska bands at Hopewell Junior School; just barely keeping my head above the turdy foam threateninig to extinguish my angsty being.

Suddenly a lifeboat emerged on the horizon in the shape of Michel Gondry’s stupidly simple yet fantastically brilliant video for Around The World:

My 13-year-old “brain” didn’t know what I was seeing but loved it. The song and the video were such an enigma–how could such basic elements of sight and sound evoke this potent feeling of digital empowerment from deep within my pubescent belly?  I didn’t know then and to be honest I still don’t know now.  But it still gets my ass shake shake shakin none the less.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE ALBUM

Tracklist

1. Around The World (Tee’s Frozen Sun Mix)

2. Around The World (I:Cube Remix)

3. Around The World (Album Version)

4. Around The World (Motorbass Vice Mix)

The Dead Milkmen – Instant Club Hit (You’ll Dance To Anything) 1986

The Dead Milkmen are some goofy bastards but they do make a solid point in this album’s title track and its various dong-inspired remixes. If you want to dance then by all means throb that bod but don’t clog the floor with pussified pouty posing. You creeps know who you are. The feature artists lay it thick in the following lyrics:

Don’t try to tell me that you’re an intellectual
Cause you’re just another boring bisexual
“I met Andy Warhol at a really chic party”
Blow it out your hairdo ’cause you work at Hardees
80 pounds of make up on your art school skin
80 points of I.Q. located within

Know what you are? You’re a bunch of …
Artfags! Artfags! Artfags! Artfags!
Choke on this you dance-a-teria types!

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE ALBUM

Tracklust

1. Instant Club Hit (You’ll Dance To Anything)(Hung Like A Horse Remix)

2. Instant Club Hit (You’ll Dance To Anything)(Radio Edit)

3. Instant Club Hit (You’ll Dance To Anything)(Boner Beats)

4. Ask Me To Dance

5. Tugena

6. Vince Lombardi Service Center

Voivod – The Lost Machine 12″ clear vinyl (1993)

This musical brew usually ain’t my cup of tea.  However, I know that the folks that dig this sort of thing particularly love rare releases.  So here you go, if you like Voivod or prog rock/thrash metal dig in.  I will say that the second track “Jack Luminous”, which clocks in at a staggering 17 minutes und 26 seconds, is by leaps and bounds and fox and hounds my favorite of the two.  Of course, this will be your favorite as well.

From what I’ve gathered this 12″ was released during a the band’s transition period when they were claymating their 80s metal days sound with the more progressive/alternative vibe that buttblasted the scene in the early 90s.  But I could be completely wrong: if there’s one thing I don’t really care to understand its genres or who begat who. 

Maybe that makes me musically retarded.  Well, baby, if I’m retarded I don’t want to be bright.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THIS ALBUM TO MP3

Disneyland Record – Chilling, Thrilling Sounds Of The Haunted House (1964)

When I was a little kid my parents loved scaring the crap out of me.  The act would evoke the most devilish, unquenchable laughter together as man and wife.  It was as if a monstrous invisible feather furiously caressed their funny bones in unison.  All while I was huddled in a corner crying like a little bitch, frozen in mortal terror.

One of these particular events is why I will always remember this album.  I think  I was probably five because my brother was just old enough to carry his fro-topped bobblehead upright around the house.  Anyway, we were playing with Hot Wheels in our primary color-slathered bedroom on our Pac-Man rug when suddenly we heard bone-numbing shrieks coming the hallway.  We opened our bedroom door to find the house completely dark and empty except for the terrible cries.  We worked our way out into the split-level entryway through the darkness and I cried out, “MOM, DAD…WHERE ARE YOU?!?”  I stood locked in fear. 

Terrible thoughts ran through my mind:  They’d been kidnapped.  I was all alone.  Who would make my pancakes in the morning?

“BOO!!!!!!”

My parents snuck up on me and boxed my ears with the classic Halloween battle cry.  I contemplated shitting my pants but instead started bawling–boy did I ever cry.  And my parents just laaaughed and laaaughed with a knee slaps interjected for comedic effect.

Why would they do that?  To the both of us?  Well, my brother probably doesn’t remember, I’m pretty sure he was on autopilot until the age of 12, but I sure as hell do.  It was Chilling, Thrilling Sounds Of The Haunted House that really chiseled it into my memory.  Maybe my parents didn’t read the disclaimer on the back of the record sleeve….

The Disneyland catalogue of children’s records is one of the finest in the world.  The primary audience for Children’s records is the age group from three to eight years.  Most of the records in the Disneyland catalogue are made specifically for that group although there are some whose appeal reaches into the early teens.  This particular Disneyland record, CHILLING, THRILLING, SOUNDS OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE is not intended for young, impressionable children from three to eight.  It is intended for older children, teenagers and adults.

Those bold and capitalized sections in that excerpt were done just so on the album sleeve.  Those words jump right out at you.  So, they probably knew exactly what they were doing when they put this on.  They knew I’d carry this baggage well into my twenties.  They knew.

What a couple of assholes.

Just kidding I love you mom!

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CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD CHILLING THRILLING SOUNDS ON MP3

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Tracklist

Side 1

1. The Haunted House

2. The Very Long Fuse

3. The Dogs

4. Timber

5. Your Pet Cat

6. Shipwreck

7. The Unsafe Bridge

8. Chinese Water Torture

9. The Birds

10. The Martian Monsters

Side 2

1. Screams and Groans

2. Thunder and Lightning and Rain

3. Cat Fight

4. Dogs

5. A Collection of Creaks

6. Fuses and Explosions

7. A Collection of Crashes

8. Birds

9. Drips and Splashes

10. Things in Space

Sports Cars In Stereo – Recorded at the 1958 Sebring Grand Prix of Endurance (1958) >>> Riverside Stereophonic RLP 1101

One of the best ways to test your sound system is to pop a quality stereophonic sound effect disc onto your turntable.  If it makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck then you’ve got your Hi Fi set up just right.  For some people it may be jets, for some people it may be a cooking disc.  For some creeps it might be monkey mating calls.  Whatever the case the right disc, if ampilified properly, will turn you to jelly.  If not, well honey, you got problems.

For me the golden arrow is Sports Cars In Stereo.  It was recorded back in 1958 during the golden era of racing.  This Grand Prix saw dangerous speed paired with a huge void of  safety precautions.  Most of these guys didn’t even buckle their lap belts after their mad foot dash to start the beginning of the 12-hour race.  It just took too much time to click it.

Mad dash to the cockpit at the races start.

Mad dash to the cockpit at the race's start.

These guys were batshit crazy speed freaks who didn’t give a damn about the frivolities of crumple zones and roll cages.  I mean wouldn’t you be willing to risk your life if you got to drive top speed with reckless abandon in one of these:

Ferrari 250 TR

Ferrari 250 TR: Raced at Sebring

 From a spectator’s standpoint the best part of the race had to have been the smell and the sound.  5 billion octane exhaust fumes and ear-drum imploding top gear passes must have been absolutely intoxicating.  God damn I wish I knew Dr. Emmit Brown.

Your clothes won’t get stained with gasoline perfume listening to this record but if you crank it until your fuses melt you can totally feel the thwomp of every downshift down to your bone marrow.

Featured Automobiles

Corvette – Ferrari – D Jaguar – Lister-Jaguar – Aston Martin – Maserati – AC Bristol – Austin-Healey – Triumph – Porsche – Lotus – Alfa Romeo – Abarth-Fiat – Osca – DB

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CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD SPORTS CARS IN STEREO TO MP3

8)

Tracklist (with descriptions from back cover)

1. Technical Inspection

The process by which each car is authorized to compete.  Brakes, tires, fluid leaks, general running condition, etc., are checked.  At Sebring (which is run under rules of the F.I.A.), such other items as headlights, working top, seat size, and windshield are also checked.

2. Slow Corner

A 90 degree right-hand turn.  From top speed, drivers shift down through the gears to second for this tight corner, then shift back up for the next long straight.

3. The Esses

The difficult and dangerous bends where the incredible Ferraris and Jags and Porsches slam through the gears, sliding from one side of the road to the other, tires screaming, and zoom away.

4. The Straight

Here the cars emit the loudest noise of full acceleration as the pass through all the gears.  Note the different shipting points of the different cars.

All-Time Greatest Hits of Country Music – DISC 3 (1986) >>> RCA DVL 4 – 0629

Dottie West: Top Notch Country Doll

Dottie West: Top Notch Country Doll

Dottie West – Careless Hands

I let my heart fall into careless hands
Careless hands that broke my heart in two
You held my dreams like worthless strings of sand
Careless hands don’t care when dreams secure

You’ve brought me joy and oh, I loved you so
But all that sunshine didn’t make roses grow
If you don’t change someday, you’ll know the sorrow
Careless hands that can’t hold on to love

You’ve brought me joy and oh, I loved you so
But all that sunshine didn’t make roses grow
If you don’t change someday, you’ll know the sorrow
Careless hands that can’t hold on to love

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All-Time Greatest Hits Of Country Music – Disc 2 (1986)>>>RCA DVL 4 – 0629

After listening to Disc 2 a few times I’ve come to the conclusion that this selection was hand-picked by none other than super pimp Nudie Cohn.  He’s the feller in the picture here perched atop the firearm-adorned Caddy convertible wearing the sequin-slathered suit jacket.  You see, Nudie is the legend in country western apparel design.  He built by hand hundreds, maybe thousands, of suits for the cream of Country’s crop through the 50s, 60s, and 70s.  And he was a one-of-a-kind car customizer.  That Cadillac in the picture was Cowboy-Uped by Nudie himself.  Yes, he was an all around rhinestone badass.  I mean if you can make Elvis shine like this you must have a terrifying set of cajones:

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All-Time Greatest Hits Of Country Music – Disc 1 – (1986) >>> RCA DVL 4 – 0629

The title of this album is a very bold claim.  Usually I’d just notch this up to trumpery and smack the dick of the record label in the toilet seat. But this one sticks to its guns. So much so that it shot a hole right through my olive grey boots.  I’d sue but they only cost 11 bucks and it wouldn’t hold up in small claims court because by all accounts this compilation doesn’t exist.  Except for a few broken links for eBay item requests I couldn’t find anything on this.  So lucky for you you’re treated to a creep pic of a Country Bear for an album cover until I can revive my ancient digital camera.

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Kings Of Convenience – Versus (2001)

 

Ok, so you have to get this one. No excuses. As far as remix albums go this may be the best in all the land.

It’s Excellent stuff.

Preview  of the opening track on Last FM here

Download the Versus vinyl rip here

Andrew W.K. – I Get Wet (2002)

Click here to download I Get Wet vinyl rip

Ok, so I might have spoken too quickly about classical music being the only way to get your pump on.  Andrew W.K.’s first album I Get Wet is the most unapologetic pie-in-the-face of guitar, drums, and synth ever pressed on vinyl.  The song titles are hokey…hell, three of the song titles have the word PARTY in them.  The lyrics are also hokey, his white shirt and white pants are hokey.  Any song could be mistaken for the next.  Yes, it has everything working toward a trip to the corners of Migraine and Geg Reflex Avenue.

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