Monthly Archives: July 2009

Dr. Demento Presents: The Greatest Novelty Records of All Time – Vol. III The 1960s (1985) vinyl

*download below*

This is one of the of the weirdest, corniest, and most annoying records you’ll ever hear.  I guarantee you’ll love every minute of it.  Here’s a breakdown of the tracks, now with spell check!

1) Lonnie Donegan – Does Your Chewing Gum Lost Its Flavour  (On The Bedpost Overnight)

I can only imagine that this was one of the few tracks that was benign enough to appeal to both kids and senior citizens during the dawn of the tumultuous 60s.  The weirdest part of this track is the wild applause from the crowd at the song’s close.  Seriously, this song gets your rocks off that hard?

So sticky.

So sticky.

2) Brian Hyland – Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

A sugary track from back when hittin the beach in a two-piece was grounds for a lynching in many parts of the Gulf Coast.  I like to play this song while I’m watching footage of the nuclear tests performed in Bikini Atoll.  Beautiful.

She was afraid to come out of the locker.

She was afraid to come out of the locker.

3) The Ran-Dells – Martian Hop

Insanely catchy with outer space party lyrics?  Count me in.  Too bad the glory only lasts 2 minutes and 16 seconds.  That makes moonman cry.

This is intelligent life.

4) The Hollywood Argyles – Alley-Oop

Apparently there was some comic strip back in the day called Alley-Oop that was famous and this song capitalized on it.  He rode around on a dinosaur and was basically the poor man’s Fred Flinstone minus the ever-sexy Wilma.

Stamp worthy.

Stamp worthy.

5) Ray Stevens – Gitarzan

On paper this song should be totally unlistenable:  a jungle themed song sung by a Disney version of Lou Reed.  But the full band accompaniment complete with horn section just blasts its way into the Coca Cola Chill Zone.  I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

Boing!

Boing!

6) The Trashmen – Surfin’ Bird

This is the only song I want played at my funeral.

7) Allan Sherman – Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh!

This summer camp themed song just makes me itch.  My stepdad told me that his siblings and he would listen to Sherman’s record over and over back in the 60s while simultaneously splitting their sides.  He seemed really embarrassed  telling me this and rightly so.

And then there was one.

And then there was one.

8. Bobby (Boris) Pickett – Monster Mash

The undisputed king of Halloween songs has two unbelievable fun facts attached to it:  It hit number one on the charts in 1962 and was banned by the BBC the same year for being too offensive.  Huh?

Maybe DRAGULA was the culprit.

Maybe DRAGULA was the culprit.

9) Larry Verne – Mr. Custer

This track pays tribute to General Custer’s ill-fated final battle at Little Big Horn. For some reason I just imagine the band members recording this in between swigs from XXX moonshine jugs and spilling all over cornflake-encrusted mustaches.

Even this dog couldnt save him.

Even this dog couldn't save him.

10) Napoleon XIV – They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!

Try listening to this song on repeat for an hour.  Now imagine doing that for a week straight.  I did it.  Don’t ask why, but I did.  And I’m much worse for it.

Yes.

11) Dr. West’s Medicine Show & Junk Band – The Eggplant That Ate Chicago

In the past sleepy ragtime saloon music and Madlibs just seemed like a good idea.  It’s taken 50 years but science has finally proven that assumption wrong.

His favorite song.

His favorite song.

12) Rusty Warren – Bounce Your Boobies

Yes, a song sung by a woman about wobbling your titties to and fro in an itchy polyester sweater until the friction causes a flash fire which destroys all life within a 3 mile radius.  Man the 60s were a great time to be alive.

13) Tiny Tim -  Tip-Toe Thru’ The Tulips With Me

Radio stations were trying really hard in the 60s to captivate audiences and a creepy ass dude playing a ukulele was just the trick. I wish I had his teeth in a jar.

mmmmm

mmmmm

14) Tom Lehrer – So Long, Mom (A Song For World War III)

My only gripe about this song is that it wasn’t feature in Dr. Strangelove.  It’s the only thing I can think of when I hear this.

So long mom, Im off to drop the bomb.

"So long mom, I'm off to drop the bomb."

Check it out here, you wizenheimer!

http://www.mediafire.com/file/0zmmi2w0njd/Dr. Demento Presents The Greatest Novelty Records of All Time Vol. III The 1960s.zip

Johnny Cash & Jeannie C. Riley – Rock Island Line vinyl

*download below*

Ah, old fashioned country music.  Back when hearts were truly demolished and songs of murder flowed like mint juleps at the Kentucky Derby.  Unlike today’s country it wasn’t meant to be cheeky or cute; just expedite your conversion into a lonely alcoholic who spends his or her time glued to a barstool in some watering hole set in the foothills of the Appalachians.

This here album is the definition of what country music should be: songs about love lost, deceit, betrayal, and bad memories by people with real life experience in those fields.  Old Time Country is the perfect vehicle for Johnny Cash; whose life was, for much if its duration, stuck in the bottom of a Busch League Porta Potty.

Most likely you won’t recognize most of the tracks from this album, which is a good thing.  It gives you the opportunity to start afresh and really absorb the strange comedy created by the juxtaposition of melancholy lyrics set to catchy rhythms. However, if you are familiar with these ditties I’d like to buy you a round of the Bourbon of your choice.

With Rock Island Line you also get the extra bonus of Jeannie C. Riley on the second side of the disc.  Her songs are just as misery-filled as good ole Johnny’s but with a more feminine twist: all of the sorrow with just a touch of catty gossip icing. And her voice ain’t too shabby either.

I want to sing you a very sad song.

I want to sing you a very sad song.

So if you’ve been poisoned by a contemporary country/butt rock song by Rascal Flatts or simply glimpsed a picture of Kid Rock take a listen to this record. It’s your guaranteed ticket to the Grand Ole Opry in the Sky.

Download the record here:

http://www.mediafire.com/file/1jioyytjlnn/Johnny Cash and Jeannie C. Riley – Rock Island Line.zip

Here’s a great live take on the title track:

Danny Elfman – So Lo (1984) vinyl

*download below*

So, you’re a fan of the 80′s. You’re down with New Wave, neon colors, and The Muppet Babies. You have almost everything needed to be the ultimate Decade of Excess Guru. Almost.

There’s only one problem: You were born on January 1st, 1990 and everyone hates you.

Now now, little one, don’t fret. There’s a solution to your dilemma. A cheat code, if you will. And he goes by the name of Danny Elfman–better known as Tim Burton’s movie score wizard. This little gem by Elfman here will dump some NOS into your Mr. Fusion and blast your ass to Pole Position. So what are you waiting for? Click already!

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD SO LO

Portishead – Third (Limited Edition LP Vinyl Rip) 2008

*download below*

I’m really excited to finally have the opportunity to share this online.

This album was one of the first that I was able to listen to after the Miracle to End All Miracles–aka when I finally regained full hearing in my left after a year or so drought.

Anyway, I’ve had experience with Portishead in the past but always thought their tracks sounded a bit too much like James Bond theme songs on Xanax with a harsh snare whipping them into submission.

However, Third completely broke out of this box.  And thank the Lord Above.

Now, what I’d like to do is properly convey what this album brings to the plate.  However, I’ve found that words can never really convey the subtlety of sounds, nor of dreams for that matter.  Words are great at expressing complex yet precise ideas and describing events or memories but there’s something about music that always escapes even the the most artful lathering of adjectives and expletives.

What I can do with this album, as I end up doing with every review I attempt, is sort of convey a metaphor or  scene of what this album brings to mind.

I see a greyish-green abandoned amusement park laying dormant in the middle of a rolling green countryside.  Nothing fancy, no big rollercoasters or log flumes–just a lonely carousel, a spinning swing, and of course a popcorn cart sitting derelict upon the side of a cobblestoned walkway running through the heart of the park.  It’s been several years since the park has seen any visitors–a thick, greasy film covers everything and its only companion is the occasional cold gust of wind.  It’s silent, bleak, and ever so lonely.  Suddenly, in a matter of seconds, everything in the park springs to life.  The carousel, with its faded pine wildlife, begins to spin wildly.  The giant swing whirls as its rusted chains entangle in a circular waltz.  It’s a terrible clash of sight and sound from which an ominous hum emits upon every corner of the park until you can discern individual pitch, camber, and beat spilling from the newly-animated attractions.  Suddenly you feel a tug on your leg.  Looking down you see a tiny doll with wooden hands, glass eyes and a flower-printed dress writhing to the sounds that threaten to drown you.  The feeling to punt her like it’s fourth down is quelled as she promises to love you just right; only how a doll can.

And that’s just what she does for the next 10 years as you father a litter of doll babies who overrun the park and cater to your every need.  It’s not easy to keep the townsfolk at bay, with their pitchforks and torches and whatnot, but you’d do anything to protect your tinderbox family.

You are the softest Daddy I know!

You are the softest Daddy I know!

What it boils down to is that this album creeps me the fuck out in all the holes exactly the right way.

Here’s the meat:

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=c83eb8008f52d98e391d7d881749d3a74db19233280c85605be6ba49b5870170

Junior Boys – Dead Horse EP (2007) VINYL download

*download below*

I’m a big fan of Junior Boys and, for the most part, remixes.

So after playing Junior Boys’ latest full length album Begone Dull Care on my CD player about 50 billion times it seemed like the perfect time to change it up a bit and revisit the Dead Horse EP based upon its fusion of the aforementioned traits.

These remixes, by Hot Chip, Tensnake, Carl Craig, and Kode 9 all border on the verge of dance but not really to the point of Indian Rain Boogie Foot Stomping.  They’d be more at home at the end of a really fast, really loud DJ set when everyone is drenched with sweat and the dance floor smells like PBR, cheap champagne and  blown fuses.  Any one of these tracks could come on and you’d squeeze in closely with your newly-courted boo and shimmy and sway the rest of the night away in post-party euphoria.

Soak it in.

Track List

1. In the Morning (Hot Chip Remix)

2. FM (Tensnake Remix)

3. Like A Child (Carl Craig Remix)

4. Double Shadow (Kode 9 Remix)

Download it here: http://www.mediafire.com/?bubw00nyzyo

Here’s the original version of Junior Boys’ In The Morning:

Merle Haggard – My Farewell To Elvis (1977) vinyl

The Ciggy Bears the Burden

The Ciggy Bears the Burden

*download below*

This was one of those records that took me years to actually face and listen to. Just the name Merle carries a lot of baggage with it.  I mean seriously, if you were hanging out with some peeps and there was this dude hanging out with one of your somewhat friends and he says, “Hello, my name is Merle, I would like to handle your fine porcelain,” what would you do?  First, I would feel personally affronted that someone would feel that it’s proper to ask to see my fine porcelain on the first handshake.  Second, I would say, “Wait, this son of a gun’s name is Merle.  Merle.  What?  Merle?  Yes, I heard him right.  Think.  What is proper procedure.  Do I need wet knaps?  Do I need a zoning permit?  Bag it and tag it?”  I don’t really know.  Rather, I didn’t know.  I now know after this album.  If you happen to meet a Merle give him a stern look in the eyes to make sure he isn’t a dancing robot from Major Magic’s and then give him a firm but not too firm squeeze to thank him for carrying the flame.  I mean shit, it was a Merle, Merle Haggard none the less, that wrote the theme song to the Dukes of Hazzard.  What?  That as Waylon Jennings?  Well, fuck Waylon Jennings–he just lost shotgun. I hope you like sitting bitch, hombre.

I was worried that when I listened to this record that it was going to be what I’m worried what will happen to the legacy of Michael Jackson; which is cheap tribute albums aimed at cashing in on his untimely demise.  MJ’s and the King’s story are somewhat similar–two ridiculously popular drug-ravaged stars who, by fabler’s perspective, died too early.  However, the rest of us see it’s not too outlandish that either a nightly dose of fried peanut butter, bacon and banana or 10 xanax  before beddy-bye will weigh negatively on your overall health.

What I’m glad to hear from this album is that Merle didn’t go all willy nilly silly billy with Elvis’ songs.  For the most part they are pretty true to the intentions of the King’s original tracks.  They do have a welcome and expected tinge of southern bluegrass/country that only makes sense for a tribute for a boy from outside of Tupelo, Mississippi.  Presley always carried his tracks with a voice that cannon blasted deep from a diaphram anchored to a violent whip-hip-orockamus.  Merle doesn’t have the luxury of such a bodacious God-given contraption.  What he does have is a genuine sense of loss in this record.  Losing Elvis must have been a real punch in the stomach for the country/western community in the late 70s, especially for Haggard, who had battled much of the same drug and alcohol addiction.

Here’s the album from top to bottom to enjoy with a fully stocked bar.  Track 2 is especially tasty.

http://www.mediafire.com/?jvmdojmwgdm

Track List:

1. From Graceland To The Promised Land

2. In The Ghetto

3. Don’t Be Cruel

4. Jailhouse Rock

5. Love Me Tender

6. That’s All Right (Mama)

7. Heartbreak Hotel

8. Blue Christmas

9. Blue Suede Shoes

10. Are You Lonesome Tonight

11. Merle’s Farewell To Elvis

Here’s a taste of good things to come:

Masayoshi Takanaka – Rainbow Goblins Story: Live at Budokan (1981) vinyl MP3s REMASTERED

Feel the Goblins.

Feel the Goblins.

***The MP3s are now a totally new rip. I did a better job cleaning the record up both physically and digitally this time around. I think you’ll be pleased with the bombastic Japanese sound. Thanks for listening and enjoy.***

Here’s another album where you can totally judge the content by its cover.  First, let’s examine the title: Rainbow Goblins Story.  I’m not entirely sure what a Rainbow Goblin is or how I might be lucky enough to encounter one but by the throws of ecstasy that Mr. Takanaka is displaying I would surely like to make their acquaintance.  So I’m just going to imagine that Rainbow Goblins are magical creatures that explode from your temporal lobe after ingesting magical mushrooms which,  at the time this recording was made, were completely legal in Japan.

However if shrooms were to account Rainbow Goblins Story I would expect to hear a lot more giggling in between tracks on this album.  This is far from the case.  The audience at Budokan might be the most polite group of spectators to ever enjoy a rockin Japanese symphonic trip into the world’s most delicious technicolor daydream.  There’s no whistling, no cheering, no “OH MY GOD MASAYOSHI, THIS PLAYFUL GOBLIN IS CHEWING ON MY COLLARBONE…MAKE IT STOP!” anywhere. 

I think I heard “Takanaka!” yelled once by a single raucous gentleman throughout the entire recording and I can only assume that he was forced to perform seppuku in the Budukan’s lost and found by an elite security force that was on hand for just such an occasion.

Budokan Arena

Budokan Arena

And while the whole silence thing seems sort of strange I’m certainly thankful for it.  This album, in true Japanese fashion, is all about precision.  Now that doesn’t mean that this is a dainty stroll through Goblin Country with a soundtrack of gentle electric strumming.  No, Masayoshi Takanaka shreds hard.  Really fucking hard.  And with the kind of technical prowess I only thought possible on a synthesizer; you could set your Seiko to Takanaka’s ax.  I couldn’t discern one note that should be confused as being off key.  It’s a constant barrage of super precise, super fast super badass rocking accompanied by a full crew of strings, synth, and all sorts of percussion.  My only gripe is that there wasn’t a Nintendo release based on this album.  It would have made a most triumphant 8-bit score.

Here’s the album:

Side 1

Click to download Side 1

1. Prologue

2. Once Upon a Song

3. Seven Goblins

4. The Sunset Valley

5. The Moon Rose

6. Soon

Click to download Side 2

1. Thunderstorm

2. Rising Arch

3. Plumed Bird

4. You can Never Come to This Place

This just made me pee my pants:

JBL Sessions Loudspeaker Test Record (1973) vinyl

JBL Sessions

JBL Sessions

*download below*

I decided to finally sit down and listen to the JBL Sessions album that I bought on eBay a few weeks ago.  I’ve a fair amount of sound effects and super-duper-stereophonic-bam-wow-oh-man-look-at that-what-is-that-sound-spewing-like-blood-from-the-speakers records but they are always pretty hokey and turn out to be more hype than actual high fidelity. However, this JBL album has turned out to a bit more serious, if a tad corny and antiseptic, but it’s proved to be a good buy so far.  Actually both of those aspects add a touch of credibility.  If anyone has read any articles from any “hi-fi” stereo equipment magazines from, well, any time you’d find them pretty self righteous, almost to the extent of piety.  But anyway, I digress.

First, I’d like to share a list of the equipment that I’m using to check this out.  There really wouldn’t be any point to reviewing the album if I was playing it through this:

This is the sound the pony makes.

This is a sound the pony makes.

The speakers that I’m using are a pair of JBL 4311B Control Monitors I picked up two years ago from a guy in the West Side that had posted them on Craigslist.

I’ve been through a lot of speakers at an alarming pace, from Sansui to Polks to Pioneers, to EPIs to Bang and Olufsons and a little bit in between.  Every other speaker gave the music it’s own coloring or, even worse, just made the music sound lumpy and required gobs of equalization to iron them out.  These 4311B’s just seemed to give me the music I’d been searching for; sound reproduction precisely how the sound engineer intended. You can find information on them here: http://www.jblpro.com/pub/obsolete/4311b.pdf

JBL 4311B Control Monitor

JBL 4311B Control Monitor

For my amp I’m using my monstrous yet entirely precious Luxman L-100 which, according to the creepy foot fetishist from the now closed local amp repair shop, was owned by many African American NFL players in the 70′s.  You can check out info on it from one of my favorite websites, the Vintage Knob, at this address: http://www.thevintageknob.org/LUXMAN/L100/L100.html#

ZAP ZAP ZAP

Luxman L-100 Integrated Amplifier

Finally, to spin the damn thing I’m using my recently acquired Technics SL-10.  It’s been a huge upgrade from my Technics SL-212, which is somewhat similar to the 1200 in certain aspects.  The SL-10 is a linear tracking turntable, which means that it doesn’t have a conventional tonearm.  The cartridge travels on a track situated over the record and travels in a straight line from the outer ring inward as opposed to an arcing pattern followed by a conventional cantilever tonearm.  Also, it can be played vertically which is pretty neat.  More detail can be found at: http://www.thevintageknob.org/TECHNICS/SL10/SL10.html

and

http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/2135/technicssl10.jpg

Technics SL-10

Technics SL-10

Anyway, now that’s out of the way we can get back to the record.  I think one of the excerpts from the narrator’s monologues best sums upthis entire album.

The function of high fidelity loudspeaker (sic) is to reproduce recorded music.  A good loudspeaker will reproduce music with clarity, detail, separation and definition…qualities that can’t be reduced to a set of tabulated numbers on a piece of paper.  That’s why some of our friends got together with us at Capital Records to make an album you could use as a standard of reference.

We’ll take each section of this record apart and let you hear each instrument individually; then we’ll put them  back together again so you can make a valid comparison between louspeakers.

As you will hear on Sides 3 and 4, the sound of a record depends greatly on the monitor loudspeakers used in the studio.  Most of today’s records are monitored on JBL loudspeakers just as this one was.  List to this music on our speakers to see how we intended it to sound–then listen on any other speakers.

After making your  comparisons , we think you’ll prefer ours for the same resons that most of the major studios in the world prefer them–clarity and definition.  However, if you find that another is more to your l iking, we’d like to think of it this way: We’d like to think of it this way: We’ve profvided a basis for comparison, you’ve made the choice that pleased you m ost and we’ve contributed to your pleasure.”

It’s a big advertisement for JBL but it fits like a warm glove.  The narrator makes several references to the JBL Dealer that the previous owner of this album must have visited to get this copy for review.  This, however, is the only advertisement that I would never turn off.  It’s just too fab.

I accidentally played side two first but I’m glad I did because it started off with a series of tone tests that are designed to check the limitations of both your loudspeakers and your ears.  The narrator explains that because of methods of analog recording, remember this is 1973, many tones will sound different, much different from how they are originally recorded if not played through true high fidelity loudspeakers.

He also explained that the majority of frequencies reproduced by conventional recording instruments–the guitar, bass guitar, drums, piano, etc.-do not, for the most part, delve deeper than 50hz.  Now with any speaker or amplifier that you see online on eBay or audio forums you’ll notice often that the tonal ranges are listed along with many of the specs.  A typical higher quality amp will play from 20 hertz to 20,000 hertz without any significant change in volume while a quality speaker will claim to play roughly in the same range.  It was also fun to sit down through the high frequency test which revealed the acoustic ceiling of myself and the three others that I auditioned this album with.  (My limit was 18,000 hertz through the speakers but 20,000 hertz through my enclosed Sony Studio headphones.  I’m going to chalk that up to the continual white noise generated by the intersection of McMillan and Vine outside my window.)

Mainly, this album professes that any company can throw all sorts of numbers and jargon at you that, unless you are a trained mechanical or sound engineer, isn’t worth a hill of beans.  What really matters is how things reach your ears.

To give you a real world test of your speakers JBL takes the time to show you different instruments and describe how they should sound in your listening room.  I’d like to go into detail on how each 12-string guitar and 9-foot harpsichord should tickle your ears but the narrator of the album does a much better job with his exquisite technical jargon.

Disc 1 is mainly a dissection of instruments and tonality that comes together in a sweet buffet of high fidelity recordings.  The songs at the the tail end of side one are surprisingly good; not just in sound reproduction but even more so in the musicality.  They’re just bitchin tracks.

Side 1

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?nwzm1m1mtyi

Side 2

http://www.mediafire.com/?mntl5motljm

Disc 2 delves deeper into explaining the actual recording process as opposed to the reproduction process.  It goes into length about the actual recording session and 16-track recording.  It’s pretty neat listening to the discourse between the sound engineers and the musicians from a session over 30 years ago.

Side 3 (sounds a bit worn)

http://www.mediafire.com/?yiyqrlemtn5

Side 4

http://www.mediafire.com/?eno2jvyw2zi

I hope you enjoy.

On a side note, it appears that JBL’s marketing campaign has decided to take corny to the next level. I feel like this is something they would have played on the tv screens perched above the roller coaster lines at Kings Island when it was owned by Paramount.

DJ Magic Mike & Vicious Base – It’s Automatic (1991) vinyl

vicious base

*download below*

This is one the diamonds in the rough that I picked up from WMSR, Miami’s University’s student radio station, right before they liquidated their entire inventory of vinyl.  What initially caught my attention was the totally badass cover.  I mean just look at it.

Look at those two pimps standing triumphantly on stage with the most insanely large speaker setup ever convieved.  I mean the stacks are actually set up on top of a huge subwoofer–the turntables are magically impervious to the subsonic bass pounding the writhing all-sexy-lady audience.

And just look at those buxom beauties, just crawling their way up to the crotchal regions of Magic Mike and Crew.  How can they resist their midnight black leather suits and lustrous 24k gold chains?  I know if I was there I probably wouldn’t be able to either.

Oh, and there’s a bitchin’ primary colored light stack.  Epic.

The album is pretty much what you’d expect from the cover–kinda in the vein of 69 Boyz’ eternal classic “Tootsie Roll” but also packin’ a sock full of quarters just in case shit gets real.

To fully enjoy this album I highly recommend that you listen with nothing less than 12 inch woofers driven by, at the absolute minimum, 100 watts each.  The bass, or BASE in Magic Country, is the real reason peep this.  It’s a nonstop onslaught of  sub 50hz pummeling that has to be felt to be appreciated.  It’s the kind of bass that just makes you want to rollerskate frontwards, backwards, and all crosslegged in an eternal thump- in-the-trunk driven loop of euphoria.

Check this shit out here: www.mediafire.com/download.php?mzyjmhnxzdm

1. It’s Automatic (Club Mix)
2. It’s Automatic (Radio Edit)
3. Magic Mike Will Load the 12 & Hit Ya!
4. Back to Haunt You

Whatever happened to Sufjan?

Seriously, where did he go?  It wasn’t that long ago that I was cruising on 74 in my loud ass Audi 90 CS Quattro, listening to the then freshly-released Illinoise with a pair of miscreants on my way to the Windy City.  It was the perfect album for cruising through the terrible monotony of Indiana.  It gave the road a beat–something to keep us from passing out on the long miles of straight lines and tall grass. 

 Illinoise perfectly captures the feeling of rolling past Gary, IN and seeing the big ass Sears Tower looming miles away through a fog of industrial indifference.  Chicago seems just within reach but no…1 hour of bumper car ballyhoos awaits while the Really Tall Sears Tower Tall Building Tall Thing Tall Tall laughs from afar on the endless horizon. 

Now Sufjan, you brought us this far, with our hopes of a 50 state tribunal laid out for our ears to judge and now we’re left hanging out on a limb.  I thought it a very logical step to jump from Michigan to Illinois to Ohio.  I mean, seriously, who cares about Indiana.  Geographically it might make sense but in terms of reality it just doesn’t really exist. 

Ohio, when all is said and done, is the heart of it all.  We are the crash test lab of the United States, where dreamers and floaters collide.  We have it all; international ideals mixed with small town stagnation.  God dammit Sufjan, spread your xylophone love over our ignorant Midwestern bodies!

Here’s Illinoise in its entirety, just in case you’re feeling nostalgic.

http://www.mediafire.com/?nnyoymxzrkq

Here’s a nice creepy video for you as well.