***Note: While silly in syntax the facts contained within this post are undeniably true. So, if you want to pick up some muscular zero-g art and support a quality organization head down to the St. Vincent De Paul in Erlanger, KY post haste.***
Of course you also have the option of picking up a pastel cottage scene by Thomas “Painter of Light” Kinkade at your local mall if you’re comfortable with your friends branding you a complete and utter moron. However, this option has its drawbacks as well.
Luckily, there is a third option for the art connoisseur who wants a powerful statement piece hanging above his or her wood-burning fireplace without breaking the bank. Just 5 miles south of Cincinnati in Erlanger, KY lies an unlikely safe haven of fine art: St. Vincent De Paul Thrift Store. The good folks at St. Vincent De Paul must have been saying their prayers last year because they stumbled upon the single greatest work of art mankind has ever known: “Universe Dominance.”
Behold the terrible splendor you see before your eyes. Take in the obvious facts first. Yes, that is a panther crouching with awesome presence upon the moon. No, he doesn’t have any trouble at all breathing within the nonexistent atmosphere of the moon. The Earth is of no concern to this black prowler of the cosmos for he has turned his back on its lush jungles and abundant fauna—perhaps for all time.
For the untrained eye questions swirl as to why such a proud beast would choose to impose self exile on the frigid expanses of the lunar landscape. Did he accidentally stumble onto NASA’s space shuttle after a night of binge drinking Wild Cat Malt Liquor 40′s in his native Florida habitat adjacent to the Kennedy Space Center? This is possible as panthers are susceptible to uncontrolled bouts of imbibing strong drink but this is not the reason for the image.
Simply put the panther had grown disinterested with the monotony of jungle life. His stalking skills had become too potent for simple terrestrial hunting. He knew he needed a challenge but even the Amazon, Sri Lanka, and San Francisco’s Castro district proved too tame. And so, with one really big jump, he left the Earth’s atmosphere to pursue the heavens’ scarce game.
Such inspirational subject matter would typically cost a tasteful collector nearly $350 from an online furniture rental store. But would you believe it if “Universe Dominance” and its intoxicating aura could be had for only $10? Well, brother, you better get your wallet handy because this dandy, fully boxed to protect its 48” x 38” glory, is really only 10 bones.
However, act fast because supplies are limited to only 104 copies stacked high upon a wood pallet near the entrance of St. Vincent De Paul. Northern Kentucky is a breeding ground for collectors of power-animal prints framed in black and gold so do not tarry! All 104 prints will be gone in a heartbeat, just like the intergalactic panther was from God’s green earth that crisp autumn morning.
**Update! St. Vincent De Paul sold every one of these prints. Thanks to everyone that picked one up for a good cause.
