Traditional history tells that this ballet is something of a rabble rouser. Apparently when Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring premiered on May 29, 1913 at the Théâtre des Champs-Élysées in Paris it incited a full-blown riot. As the story goes, early 20th century Europeans simply weren’t ready for such radical orchestral debauchery. The syncopation, the amelodic jaunts through the underbrush, the virgins performing fatal pirouettes to the tune of violently stabbing strings were all too much.

Stravinsky’s own description of the piece sums up why everyone was so riled: ” I saw in imagination a solemn pagan rite: sage elders, seated in a circle, watched a young girl dance herself to death. They were sacrificing here to propitiate the god of Spring.” I mean these people were expecting Swan Lake and they got Mad Max and the Thunderdome. The French still hold Mel Gibson responsible to this day.

Dancing pleases dragon. Spring comes again.

Reportedly all hell broke loose at the theatre almost immediately. Men were fist fighting in the aisles, Dandies were slapping each other with soft leather gloves…giggling wildly upon each blow, and full-figured women in corsets fainted in their seats, only to be revived by comically large Chinese fans. It was an eruption of pissed off Parisians that lasted until World War I began over a year later.

Ok, so not really. It only lasted one night at the premiere. And no one really knows the exact reason why it ruffled so many feathers. Some say it was because Stravinsky’s movement was too avant garde for the simple minds of the time. Others say it’s a reflection of the contentious atmosphere that permeated every level of European society in the days leading up to The Great War.

Violin and Bassoon Proof Masks

However, I believe that the real catalyst could have been something really stupid. If you get enough drunk assholes together in one location a single spark can fuel an inferno. All it takes is for a college team from Michigan to win or lose a title game and half of the Midwest goes aflame. Similarly, one butt rock douchebag can have a sore throat and downtown Montreal will turn into a pile of broken glass and broken French Canadians. Yes, I’m talking about you Axel Rose. I hate your guts.

People just love burning couches and throwing ‘bos for little or no reason.

That car was a Buckeyes fan.

So I’m thinking that the Rites of Spring Riot really wasn’t the significant social turning point that historians want it to be. What probably happened is that the concession stands didn’t serve vodka, only merlot, and Stravinsky completely flipped his wig. In typical Russian alcoholic fashion he proceeded to insult the general dress and physical appearance of everyone in line around him.

This incensed a few French fellows quite intensely. One guy in particular totally starting raging because he just had his mustache waxed and it looked so badass. I mean it was totally curled and everything like Captain Hook in the movie Hook, starring Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman, but like ten, no a hundred times cooler. Consequently he started to roll up his sleeves and in his haste one cuff link went flying.

This little bugger flew approximately 15 yards out toward the lobby and into some poor sap’s wine glass which caused red wine to spill on Baron Du Champ’s mistress’s new powder blue evening dress and boom, the shit hit the fan.

So Stravinsky really did cause the riot but not because he moved the audience musically…he was just a real big jerk with a drinking problem.

Click to download The Rite of Spring to 320 kbps MP3