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Monthly Archives: June 2010

Tying down the sound that Tobacco uses on this album can be a bit of a challenge. There are so many analog, digital and motocicletic manipulations of good, church-going sounds. I think the cover really is a good place to start. It’s fair to liken it unto a journey untertaken by big bowl of sweet meat beats while being chewed and gnashed by a muscley Pat. Manlady ate all sorts of Legos and carpet earlier in the day so shit gets hairy once everything arrives in Gullet Town.

But I think the best way to describe this is by remembering the first time you tripped some serious balls on shrooms. You remember, you were camping on the bank of the Great Miami River just outside of Harrison, OH. It was early summer and you could hear Edgewater Dragstrip from just outside of the valley. Those blown Mustangs and funny cars sounded like prehistoric beasts fighting for a giant rack of Fred Flintstone ribs.

It also happened to be the weekend of Gravelrama on the opposite side of the river in Cleves, OH. Gravelrama celebrates the tradition of Rednecks getting loaded, playing loud hillbilly music and ramping their 4-wheelers up and around a gravel track in what they call a “race”.

Between the dragstrip and the good ol’ boys’ convention it sounded like World War 3 had broken out over the baby blue airspace blanketing the protected Ohio watershed.

So it wasn’t surprising that soon after you downed your 1/8th ounce of funky cowpoop mushies the sounds of the ‘Rama took you by the cerebelum. Not in the way that a Geico commercial will hold your attention for 30 seconds and then immediately leave you playing the husk of a man role on Law & Order. No, because the thwomp el shroomhammer laid on you that early summer evening knew no time. You were locked in the midst of the nothing, staring into a  tiny cesspool on the Great Miami, observing the mosquito breeding ground and just knowing what they were up to. You just knew.

Suddenly, you heard the ominous beat of a drum, the kind primitive people construct from a hollowed tree stump and stretched hide of animal skin. It became louder and louder, emanating from around the bend…somewhere off toward I-74. And then it appeared, a viking ship, a real life viking ship curling around the bend in all its awesome splendor. You could see the men rowing their long oars in tempo with the terrible pounding of the deerflesh drum. Onward to pillage the awesome treasure of your recently discovered bloodsucker fucking ground. “You can’t have it!” you yelled. “Their diseases are mine!” And you stood ready for a fight, even if it meant tearing your brown Levi’s Action Slacks. But as soon as they rounded that tiny little bend in the supposed Great they were gone.

And it became quite apparent that everything you knew, even the 15-minute-old memory of that Wendy’s JBC, didn’t seem real anymore. You were transported to a scene that you’d only seen on television in the no man’s land of 80′s summertime Saturday programming. Crazy trees that whispered directions to an abandoned trailer at the fork in the trail you dared not trespass. Purple mists that sprang from the gravel, the dirt, thin air and your suspiciously dry palms. Your fellow campers grew three sets of eyes, two mouths, and the ability to spit fire representing every spectrum known, and unknown, to scientific man.

Eventually, you left your party and sat in the forest to think of time and all eternity. Roots and thickets of all races laughed, played and grew from every part of your being. You became a fully functioning, almost necessary part of the forest. If you left, your leafy green friends would lose all knowledge of man, and therefore, the upper hand. The forest’s understanding of empty fiberglass boat hulls, giant tractor trailer hubs, aluminum dishwashers, Appalachian sized mountains of beer cans would all be lost. The forest would again become retarded…no longer a participant in our ugly pissing game.

And then, out of nowhere, your slinky friend showed up. He was obviously lost in some sort of Very Old Barton trance. He saw neither here nor there and, therefore, did not see the Buckeye tree planting its vulgar root at the base of your skull.

So, standing before you and oblivious to your presence, or that of God, he removed his pants und underskins and exposed his soft pleasure to find divine relief from his bourbon laden insides . But, instead of a penis…long, short, crooked, tanned, stove-burned…there was a spinning paisley vortex in its place. Just a terrible choke of tie patterns laughing at the both of you; learning how to breathe and downloading the latest version of Powerpoint to your hard drives.

>>>Click here to download the best thing to happen to you since blue vinyl gloves.

Did you know that this is the composition that killed Michael Jackson? I mean, of course, long before he was Michael Jackson. Before Michael Jackson was Michael Jackson he was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Don’t believe me? Check out this list of irrefutable evidence set forth by “Ciarra” on the hard-hitting news site Lipstick Alley:

  • Both were born the seventh child in a very musical family.
  • Both later fell out with their father and went their own way. Mozart’s ambivalent attitude towards his father continued to dominate his private and professional life as an adult.
  • Despite periods of great financial success, both were prone to extravagant over-spending and later struggled with debt.
  • Both maintained a child-like personality in adulthood.
  • Both enjoyed dressing flamboyantly and keeping a variety of pets.

That’s right, a variety of pets. Only the yet-to-be-born spirit of the King of Pop’s influence could have convinced Mozert to maintain a variety of pets. He probably had iguanas he brought to 18th century pubs in an unsuccessful bid to get laid. Maybe even a ferret…a really stinky one he found in a Hungarian cornfield. He most definitely had a face-eating chimp.

Mozart and his pet chimp Bubbles

Need more proof? The ULTIMATE proof?

“I’ve done a geometrical comparison between Mozart’s death mask and MJ. Aside from Michael’s reshaped nose and eyebrows, the facial geometry looks identical. I promise you this doesn’t work so neatly with, say, MJ and Beethoven!
(Or, for that matter, with the faces of Mozart and, let’s say, John Lennon.)” – Ciarra

You cannot fake facial geometry results. Can, not.

Brothers from a different century's mother.

>>>Click here to download the masterpiece that Mozart, in a personal letter to his librettist Lorenzo da Ponte, referred to as his very own ”funeral song” in grave anticipation at his suspicious death at the age of 35.

Also, a scene from the film Amadeus, which portrays Wolfie composing his deathbed requiem opposite his supposed musicali mortali enemi.

It’s been scientifically proven time and time again that 97% of the world’s population lists John Mayer’s “Your Body Is A Wonderland” as their favorite song. The majority of the remaining 3% are split evenly between Insane Clown Posse’s “Hocus Pocus” and “that Lil Wayne song where he talks about money”. However, there are a few of us that take a dangerous path away from the accepted norm.

I’ve chosen “Everybody Want To Rule The World” as my favorite song. While I haven’t always been willing to admit this fact, it’s always been the truth. For a song to become your favorite it needs to pass through three very basic criteria:

1) The song must be able to instantaneously lift your spirits, no matter your current situation.

Of course there are exceptions, such as being in a prisoner of war camp in Vietnam and it’s crystal clear that Sly Stallone is just too old to save your ass. But just imagine you’re broken down on the side 75 after one of its many moon craters blew out your front left tire. Tractor tailers keep showering you with geodes and men in pickups continually throw beer cans at your domepiece because of the “Equality” bumper sticker slapped on your Prius. Just when you’re about to bust into tears your favorite song pops up on your radio/iPod/reel-to-reel sitting in the passenger seat and suddenly the clouds part. A ray of sunshine trickles down and tickles your nose. Everything’s ok, everything’s perfect…Herr Timberlake brought sexy back just in the nick of time.

2) You have to be able to listen to this song on repeat for one week straight without going nuts.

While this sounds like something the Viet Cong would use to break one’s psyche, if executed correctly, it will have quite the opposite effect. If you’ve correctly identified your true, all-time favorite song the act of repetitive listening will induce a state of nirvana; an utter oneness. You can liken this to Buddhist monks who lock themselves in some mountaintop monastery and chant the same prayer a million times until they find enlightenment. Except you’re not praying; you’re listening to “The Humpty Dance” or some shit like that on repeat.

3) Your favorite song must have a strong connection to a particular memory.

It could be your first kiss, that time your enemy threw up cheese coneys at the fair and ruined his Starter jacket, or the time you wore those really nice chinos. My memory involves driving through the mountains and valleys surrounding Sandy City, UT in a black Chevy Chevette. It was hot as hell and the chrome seatbelts kept burning my stomach. Also, the red tweed seats scratched the hell out of my back. My mom told me not to bitch because she didn’t anticipate little kids riding around in the back without shirts in the dry, dead heat of a Utah Summer when she bought the car.

Sit down! Shut up!

Actually, now that I wrote it out, that sounds like a terrible memory. So, why do I like this song? Hmmm.

>>>Click here to download The Extended Version 12″

The next video is for the song “Pharoahs” off of this 12″. It’s kind of like a cathartic epilogue for “Everybody Wants To Rule The World” and is really quite good. The following video uses a bit of the “Pharoahs” over some nice, youthful energy.

Tracklist

A Everybody Wants To Rule The World (Extended Version) 5:39
Guitar [2nd Guitar Solo] – Neil Taylor
B1 Everybody Wants To Rule The World (7″ Version) 4:12
B2 Pharaohs 3:41
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