Skip navigation

Click here for a random Rebuilt Tranny post…if you dare!

*download below*

When I was a little kid my parents loved scaring the crap out of me during Halloween. The act would evoke the most devilish, unquenchable laughter together as man and wife. It was as if a monstrous, invisible feather furiously caressed their funny bones in unison. All while I was huddled in a corner crying like a little bitch, frozen in mortal terror.

One particular Halloween branded this album into my psyche. I think I was probably five because my brother was just old enough to carry his fro-topped bobblehead upright around the house. Anyway, we were playing with Hot Wheels in our primary color-slathered bedroom, atop a bitchin’ Pac-Man rug, when suddenly bone-numbing shrieks wafted down the hallway. We opened our bedroom door to find the house completely dark and empty…except for a sea of terrible wailing. We worked our way out through the darkness into the split-level entryway and I cried out, “MOM, DAD…WHERE ARE YOU?!?”  I stood locked in fear.

Terrible thoughts ran through my mind:  They’d been kidnapped. I was all alone. Who would make my pancakes in the morning?

“BOO!!!!!!”

My parents snuck up on me and boxed my ears with the classic Halloween battle cry. I contemplated shitting my pants but instead started bawling–boy did I ever cry. And my parents just laaaughed and laaaughed with a knee slaps interjected for comedic effect.

Why would they do that? To the both of us? Well, my brother probably doesn’t remember, I’m pretty sure he was on autopilot until the age of 12, but I sure as hell do. It was Chilling, Thrilling Sounds Of The Haunted House that really chiseled it into my memory. Maybe my parents didn’t read the disclaimer on the back of the record sleeve….

The Disneyland catalogue of children’s records is one of the finest in the world. The primary audience for Children’s records is the age group from three to eight years. Most of the records in the Disneyland catalogue are made specifically for that group although there are some whose appeal reaches into the early teens. This particular Disneyland record, CHILLING, THRILLING, SOUNDS OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE is not intended for young, impressionable children from three to eight. It is intended for older children, teenagers and adults.

Those bold and capitalized sections in that excerpt were printed just so on the album sleeve. Those words jump right out at you, basically gouge your eyes. So, they probably knew exactly what they were doing when they dropped the needle on this devilish disc. They knew I’d carry this baggage well into my twenties. They knew.

What a couple of assholes.

Just kidding, I love you mom!

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD CHILLING THRILLING SOUNDS ON MP3

Tracklist

Side 1

1. The Haunted House

2. The Very Long Fuse

3. The Dogs

4. Timber

5. Your Pet Cat

6. Shipwreck

7. The Unsafe Bridge

8. Chinese Water Torture

9. The Birds

10. The Martian Monsters

Side 2

1. Screams and Groans

2. Thunder and Lightning and Rain

3. Cat Fight

4. Dogs

5. A Collection of Creaks

6. Fuses and Explosions

7. A Collection of Crashes

8. Birds

9. Drips and Splashes

10. Things in Space