Tears For Fears – Everybody Wants To Rule the World 12″ Extended Version (1985) Vinyl Download

 

It’s been scientifically proven time and time again that 97% of the world’s population lists John Mayer’s “Your Body Is A Wonderland” as their favorite song. The majority of the remaining 3% are split evenly between Insane Clown Posse’s “Hocus Pocus” and “that Lil Wayne song where he talks about money.” However, there are a few of us that take a the dangerous path away from the accepted norm. 

I’ve chosen “Everybody Want To Rule The World” as my favorite song. While I haven’t always been willing to admit this fact, it’s always been the truth. For a song to become your favorite it needs to pass through three very basic criteria: 

1) The song must be able to instantaneously lift your spirits, no matter your current situation. 

Of course there are exceptions, such as being in a prisoner of war camp in Vietnam and it’s crystal clear that Sly Stallone is too old to bust you out. But just imagine you’re broken down on the side 75 after a moon crater blew out your front left tire. Semi’s keep showering you with geodes and men in pickups continually throw beer cans at your domepiece because of the”Equality” bumper sticker slapped on your Prius. Just when you’re about to bust into tears your favorite song pops up on your radio/iPod/reel-to-reel sitting in the passenger seat and suddenly, the clouds part. A ray of sunshine trickles down and tickles your nose. Everything’s ok, everything’s perfect…Herr Timberlake said so. 

2) You have to be able to listen to this song on repeat for one week straight without going nuts. 

While, once again this sounds like something the Viet Cong would use to break one’s psyche, if executed correctly, it will have quite the opposite effect. If you’ve correctly identified your true, all-time favorite song the act of repetitive listening will induce a state of nirvana; an utter oneness. You can liken this to Buddhist monks who lock themselves in some mountaintop monastery and chant the same prayer a million times until they find enlightenment. Except you’re not praying; you’re listening to “The Humpty Dance” or some shit like that on repeat. 

3) Your favorite song must have a strong connection to a particular memory. 

It could be your first kiss, that time your enemy threw up cheese coneys at the fair, or the time you wore those really nice chinos. My memory involves driving through the mountains and valleys surrounding Sandy City, UT in a black Chevy Chevette. It was hot as hell and the chrome seatbelts kept burning my stomach. Also, the red tweed seats scratched the hell out of my back. My mom told me not to bitch because she didn’t anticipate little kids riding around in the back without shirts in the dry, dead heat of a Utah Summer when she bought the car. 

Sit down! Shut up!

Actually, now that I wrote it out, that sounds like a terrible memory. So, why do I like this song? Hmmm. 

>>>Click here to download The Extended Version 12″ 

 

The Tomita Planets (1976) Japanese Electronic Vinyl Download

***Warimashi! You can also find Holst’s original classical version of The Planets, conducted by Sir Adrian Boult, by clicking here!

Does anyone want to visit outer space anymore? I doubt that anyone could find any allure in sporting a big, airtight body-diaper and leaving the comfy oxygen bubble surrounding Earth. I’m pretty sure that you wouldn’t get any 3G coverage up there. So, you couldn’t even bitch to your friends on Facebook about how totally boring the endless panaroma of our planet, viewed from a freely-floating spacesuit, can really be. Plus, your umbilical cord to the space shuttle totally wouldn’t match your moonboots. Um, so lame.

But I remember, not too long ago in the great scheme, when things were much different. Back in my day, when kids ate coal and shit diamonds, we had this little show called Double Dare. Kids would risk life and limb climbing through metric tons of fake earwax and green gooble-dee-goop to capture little red flags. It was tough work, by George, and many kids lost limbs, important limbs, wading through that synthetic muck. Also, Mark Summers was there but he wasn’t unwrapping the mystery of how Nutter-Butters are made…instead he was turning boys’ nuts into butter on the obstacle course.

So, why oh why did these kids take such sticky risks for such tiny red flags? Two words: SPACE CAMP.

This child abuse was outlawed after Congress passed the Summers Bill in ’89.

That girl at the beginning is having a BLAST in that awkward astroscope. Bad touch, bad touch!

Back in the 80′s, when it wasn’t exploding, the space shuttle was rocking back and forth from the USA to OUTER SPACE. Up and down and round and round it went. Back then we felt the whole thing was just some horribly dangerous and vulgarly expensive workout session for the real deal: Outer Outer Space. You know, past the moon, which we (the good guys) first visited in 1969. It was universally assumed that, sooner or later, Admiral Reagan would tell the boys, “That’s good enough. You’ve trained like true Americans. Now, I want you to aim that big ol’ stick right at Mars and bring back a damn Alien for the Gipper. So let it be written, so let it be done.”

But, somehow, the nation got distracted by all sorts of things…the end of the Cold War, MTV, Tony Danza, Sega Genesis, Melrose Place…beautiful beasts that seeped into our televisions and stole air time from NASA and their team of gee whizzers. And before you knew it we had even more cable channels and we didn’t have to watch the same old boring news clips of that Interatmospheric Baluga’s migration patterns anymore. Soon, no one gave a damn about what bizarre insect mating rituals NASA’s astronauts observed in zero gravity. We were all too busy letting Hollywood give us a tutorial on 21st century virtual reality bonin’.

Eventually, space was out. What’s the point of strapping yourself onto a guided bomb and risking your life when you can experience the same deal at home on your PS3? I mean, subwoofers have gotten pretty good…you can almost feel the second-stage rocket boosters right on your Gucci. And, after all, real space is pretty boring. There aren’t any aliens with plasma rifles. There aren’t any richly detailed story plots with 60+ hours of play time. There aren’t any bulbous spacelady boobs. Well, not that we know of. At least I don’t know about them. If you know of any space boobs, please, Motorola two-way page me.

We have lift off.

 Space is just a sad, broken old man on the corner of McMillan and Vine. Someone told you that he used to be the head train conductor for the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad when it ran out of Union Terminal. That may be true, but all you know is that he smells like piss and Wild Irish Rose. And pistachios…is it pistachios? No, I think it’s pecans.

Let’s take a trip back for second to when this man had his suit pressed on a weekly basis. Back to when you could set your watch to the crease in his crotch. Back to when the God damn whole world was pulled behind a magnificent silver train, hell bent on reaching the world of tomorrow not a minute too late.

………And when Japanese space electronica was way in.

>>>Click here to download The Tomita Planets at 320 kbps

The videos don’t really do the sound justice but the concept is really cool. I’d like to get my hands on this VHS some day. Just because.

Stacey Q – Two Of Hearts 12″ European Dance Single (1986) Vinyl Download

There’s a new record store in Cincy called Another Part of The Forest that has a TON of awesome singles from the 80′s. I picked up a few while I was there this past week and will be back soon to feed my craving. Many of those singles all came from one huge collection with handwritten notes on each album cover. I feel bad for the DJ that had to let go of his preciouses. Everyone keep this New Wave Club Kid, whoever he/she is, in their prayers.

May Stacey Q smile upon you once again, my fallen turntable warrior.

Praise be unto Stacey.

 Click here to download the Two of Hearts 4-Song Single

Tracklist

A   Two Of Hearts (Vocal / European Dance Mix) 6:00  
B1   Two Of Hearts (Instrumental) 4:39  
B2   Two Of Hearts (Vocal / Radio Edit) 3:58  
B3   Stacey’s Dream (A Capella) 2:32

The Band – The Best Of (1976) Vinyl Download

Does anyone else envision hobos doing all sorts of hobo things when they listen to this album? I mean this is a great album but I just imagine…

A hobo blowing his nose into a used diaper.

A hobo promising to pay a cobbler with three questionable cans of sardines.

A hobo inexplicably sweeping a lonely stretch of train track.

A hobo drowning his sorrows in a bottle of gin because of his messy divorce from a mongrel dog named Scraps.

A hobo sneezing one of those really gross snot bubbles, complete with just a hint of blood.

A hobo who takes credit for unsuccessfully aborting César Chávez.

A hobo wearing suspenders…funny ones.

A hobo using coal dust to polish his shoes in anticipation of the Frogtown Ball.

A hobo with unquenchable dry mouth, brought on by worry that Halfpint Jim discovered he peed in the local swimming hole again.

A hobo who continually waxes nostalgic about his time as rig foreman for Standard Oil…but everyone knows he’s full of shit.

A hobo with a set of disturbingly pearly whites.

A hobo who toured as roadie for Bob Dylan until he mistakingly asked what foreign tongue Dylan used.

A hobo with a life-threatening urinary tract infection.

A hobo with soft hands and deliciously hot breath.

A hobo who stole The Golden Spike and sold it for 10 tickets to a 5 cent peep show.

A hobo midget with a Kings Island Gold Pass.

A hobo with a heart of fool’s gold.

Download The Best of The Band at 320 kbps

Themselves – The No Music Remixes (2003) Vinyl Download

Note the autographed copy.

and now…

Note the most awkward album signing of the 21st century.

 I went to see Themselves at the Southgate House in the winter of 2003 with my brother. At the time I had this little Canon digital camera that took its sweet old time capturing precious moments. So, it could take anywhere from 5 to 10 seconds from the time photographer pressed the clicker to when the shutter snapped.

Anyway, I went up to the merch booth after the show with my brother and struck up a conversation with Dose One. We discussed the show and how I worked with a guy that used to tour with him back in the day. While I was trying to help him remember how he used to rap with a guy I washed Porsches with, a guy named Zebediah, I got the brilliant idea that I should get my freshly purchased albums signed.

I asked Dose if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, to which he replied “hell naw” while whipping out black and silver markers. He signed The No Music original LP with a little black Sharpie drawing on the front. It was really quite adorable. For The Remixes he pulled out the sparkle silver job. I thought, “Yo Boy, you better get this histowic moment on record or your crew will NOT believe it. Word is bond!”

I handed Junior the janky little digi, struck the thumbs-up pose and copped a triumphant smile. Dose did his best to look excited and we froze the pose. And then everything hit slow mo. We both could see the little infrared autofocus light on the front blinking, so we just sat there waiting for the flash. And waited. And waited. I had totally forgotten about the totally unreliable snap. It was the longest 10 seconds of my life.

Suddently, Dose One grabbed my erect thumb and shook it. He grabbed that little dude and went down to Funky Town. What you see in the picture is the immediate aftermath of that member molestation. This wiggle ushered in a total loss of cool…and the moment I decided I’d never get an autograph ever again. 

Click here to download The No Music at 320 kbps

Tracklist

A1   Terror Fabulous 4:03  
  The No Music Of Hospitals.
A2   Hat Set For Butler 2:42  
    Remix [Demix] – Themselves
A3   Mouthful 4:12  
    Keyboards, Bass, Guitar – Jerome Opena
  Remix – Controller 7 , Matth
B1   Good People Check 5:03  
    Remix – Hrvatski
B2   Poison Pit 3:15  
    Remix – Why?
B3   Livetrap 2:51  
    Remix – Hood
  The No Music Of Mother’s Milk And Going Deaf.
C1   Only Child Explosion 2:56  
    Remix – Alias (3)
C2   Dr.Moonorgun Please 3:20  
    Remix – Grapedope*
C3   Darkskydemo 4:18  
    Remix – Fog
D1   You Devil You 4:26  
    Remix – Odd Nosdam
D2   Out In The Open 5:35  
    Remix – Notwist, The
D3   Hat In The Wind 7:13  
    Remix – Electric Birds

From Music Box to Barrel Organ – Music of the Netherland Streets (Vinyl Download)

Click here to download barrels of fun at 320 kbps!

Festival season once again reared its drunken head in Covington this past weekend. I figured I’d share a little sweet treat to celebrate the upcoming months of Hudy Delight, Goetta Balls and common-law love in the Commonwealth. Here’s a collection of traditional Dutch carnival music to creep your balls off. The album features the following jolly time instruments:

The Carillon

Introducing Willem, the star attraction for ladies' night at the Amsterdam public library.

The Music Box

Kiss your 808 goodbye!

 The Barrel Organ

There are also a lot of other instruments on here that don’t seem to exist anymore in a functional capacity, at least on the first 3 pages of any YouTube or Google Image search. These include but are not limited to the canary organ, the tongue organ, and the belly organ. The weenis organ is featured on the rare 7″ epidermis-colored bonus disc for this album that, unfortunately, isn’t in my collection.

It’s my hope that someone will take this album and sample a bit of it in the worst way possible. That, of course, would be in the same vein as the following song by Mark Mothersbaugh:

Please, I need it…so badly.

 

Unwound – A Single History (1991-1997) Vinyl Download

 

When I entered the 7th grade I was only a baby.  I knew nothing of covert lunchtime dumpster smoking. Shit, it took me half of the year to figure out why everyone was posing so much; I didn’t see any cameras. I wore tight, pure white Levi’s Silvertab jeans the first day of school. My musical tastes consisted of listening to the 5-disc “Classical Music From Around The Globe” set that was part of my parent’s CD collection and every once in a while threw in Genesis’ We Can’t Dance when I was feeling really sassy. 

 

Eventually I picked up the mandatory mid-90′s punk and ska bands (NOFX, Operation Ivy, Pennwise, Bad Religion, etc.) that Cincinnati suburbanite youths clung to in the hopes of appearing cool. For a while I skirted with the concept of  hip; I could ollie over two stacked skateboards, I had JNCOs with 30 inch pipes (big enough to flip them upside down and wear them as a ridiculous skirt for comedic relief at family reunions), and I even carried a pocket knife to class. So tuff. 

Despite my greatest effortsI was always miles and miles away from true cool, figuratively and literally. The really cool kids were the ones doing heroine and listening to Unwound in some Seattle warehouse loft their older brother Crust rented out. They had piercings, real tattoos, real VD and were over Kurt Cobain even before Courtney blew his brains out. They were accomplishing real feats of cool 24/7 while I was trying to learn the lyrics to The Aquabats’ “Captain Hampton & The Midget Pirates” 3000 miles away in West Chester, OH. 

 

Before I picked this album up I had never heard Unwound. Not once in my entire life. I’ll admit I know nothing about the Post-Hardcore scene or even the regular Hardcore or curious Pre-Hardcore scene. I just don’t look good in black jeans. However, I feel like I should have heard about them at least once since this retrospective was released over 10 years ago. I mean I’ve been first mate on Black Bart’s MP3 Submarine for a while; from Napster to Bearshare to Limewire to modding a DC++ hub in college to my current venture as peddler of cheap vinyl smut. But I never heard Unwound. 

Well, after running multiple scenarios through my head about how this could be I finally came up with a solution: I simply wasn’t cool enough to pick up the Unwound wavelength. It was a long-lasting punishment for attempting to rock an undercut despite my superhuman cowlicks (I bore an uncanny resemblance to a Bighorn Sheep) 

You skate?

I’ve finally served my time for my crimes against style and now can be as angsty as I wanna be all throughout the twilight of my 20′s. I choose to do that by throwing on Unwound when I have houseguests over and saying, “Oh yeah I really got into this band in, like, the 5th or 6th grade. It kind of changed everything for me after I ran away. Kind of gave me a voice for all the shit I was going through. You’ve never heard of them? Wow, where are you from again?” 

 It’s going to be so awesome. 

<<Click here to download A Single History at 320 kbps from vinyl>>

 

  

 

Simple Minds – Don’t You Forget About Me (Long Version) 1985 VINYL DOWNLOAD

You all will know this as the memorable tune from the teen-angst-turned-young-adult-triumph tale The Breakfast Club. You know, it plays throughout pretty much the entire film–most notably at the end when the suspiciously old-looking Judd Nelson pumps his leather-clad fist triumphantly into the crisp autumn air as he passes under the home team’s goal post. The scene froze as Judd’s bad ‘tude fouled the once virgin soil of Glenbrook North’s turf. That cinematic effect forever locked Judd in the bliss of near youth. That single fist pump told America that yes, movie stereotypes of high school cliques really can get along.

They totally believed I'm a teenager. Yes!

So yeah, Simple Minds performed that song and this is the longer version of that song. And you know what they say, longer Simple Minds songs really do satiate a woman’s supple fantasies in a more efficient, glistening manner.

The B-Side of  “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” is an ambient new wave jaunt into the heart of Molly Ringwald. Should she really wear such high boots with that low-neck pink blouse? It hasn’t been tried before but she’s the most popular girl in the school so she can pretty much do what she wants. However, if she makes  a huge fashion faux pas her position at the top may be jeopardized. On the other hand if you don’t take risks you’ll become stale and that new girl from Seattle will finally become appealing even though she wears Chuck Taylor All-Stars like SUCH a dweeb. Well, you better make your choice, you’re going to be late for detention…and you’re NOT going to spend another Saturday in that sluthole.

Emilio...why don't you like my boots? EMILIOOOOOOO!

“A Brand Band in African Chimes” is almost akin to some of the more ambient stuff by M83. Except this is real deal 80′s teenage angst.

<<Click here to download the Long and the Beautiful>>

Lesco Records Presents – Sounds of the NHRA Indy Nationals In Stereo LE200 (1960s) VINYL Download

If you dig retro drag racing you’ll love this continuous stream of redlines. If you don’t, well…I’m sorry but you’re totally weaksauce. Description from the album cover below.

Click here to download Badass Tire-Squealin’ Bitches

Butthole Surfers – Hairway to Steven (1988) VINYL DOWNLOAD

Keeping up with the trend of strange albums I present Hairway to Steven. This album sat in the unplayed pile for more than 5 years until today. Its memory just evoked visions of teeth gnashing with hacked up smoker’s phlegm smooshed into long, oily hair. I just couldn’t handle the flashbacks of 1 West.

However, the listen today made me once again realize that tastes can change for the better because this album is fantastic. It’s best used to neutralize the awful yelping of your neighbor’s dog. Once this bad boy began spinning amidst the open windows and supple Kentucky spring breeze the mutt dog (cute but far too boisterous) adjacent to my house stopped his usual abused dog soapbox spiel and took listen to the horribly brilliant sounds of the Butthole. I can only imagine what strange ultrasonic transmissions he received.

The following album notes were handwritten on the album sleeve when I got it. They’re from some long-lost disc jockey affiliated with either WYCC (Google brings up a Chicago PBS station…I highly doubt this disc spent a tenure at the dignified digs of Public Broadcasting) or WMSR in Oxford, OH. I thought his or her insight into the disc were the real icing on the butt cake. If anyone knows what the abbreviations mean before each track description please enlighten the audience.

Unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), no song titles have been supplied. Instead there are kinda rude drawings for each tune. We’ll just think of them as song #1, #2, etc.

SIDE ONE:

Song #1: MT/MAJOR SHIFT, SOUNDS LIKE  A NEW SONG/VERY QUICK FADE

Kinda typical surfers, lots of drums & wigged-out guitars w/ occasional mutated voice. Barnyard noises are included in the second, more sedate half of the song.

Song #2: MUT/COLD

considerably more “normal” dark psychedelia

Song #3: MT/Fade

“I saw an x-ray of a girl passing gas.”

and why not?

Side 2

Song #4 (live): MT/FADE on clapping

about smoking, love & hate

Song #5: MUT/FLN

Song #6: MUT/FLN

rockabilly about Julio Iglesia (I think)

Song #7: MT/FLN

like song #1

Song #8: MUT/COLD

like song #1 and #7 only shorter and faster

The Butthole surfers are from Texas and are very weird. See them live if you can.

 

Click here to download Hairway To Steven at 320 kbps from vinyl