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This album’s spent a lot of time spinning in a smoke-filled room. Not smoke from an unattended panini press. Not smoke from a curling iron left on an Ikea shag rug. Not the smoke Glenn Beck’s blowing up America’s ass.

Nay, it’s the smoke that huffs and puffs from a frog bong. Yes, the frog bong you used begrudgingly as a replacement for the perfectly nice, perfectly non-jumping bong your brothers broke while playing soccer in the apartment. The frog bong you “forgot” to pack in the big move. The frog bong you never got to say goodbye to…until now.

Wow, sweet. A frog. On a bong. Awesome.

Dear Frog Bong,

I never really liked you very much. You were an ugly mess of glass with a stupid frog blown on your side, for crying out loud. You were an exaggerated cliche of marijuana culture that showed up unwelcomed after the tragic loss of a good friend. Your beady little eyes eternally mocked his demise between each and every rip.

Every chillout, every prized stash, every slammin’ party was ruined just a little bit by your presence. Your unnecessary girth was a continual source of shame and coffee table dents. How many times did you ruin a potential friendship with your shitty ambiance? How many times did your deceivingly narrow downstem clog as soon as I flipped on disc two of my UNKLE album? Only endless fingers on endless hands could count the times.

I would have destroyed you if it were possible. However, several attempts to annihilate your faux permeable skin proved fruitless. A drop from the fourth floor balcony onto 33 E. McMillan Street didn’t create so much as a scratch. Letting my crack-dealing neighbor blast your facade repeatedly with his shotgun only deprived the world of a dozen 12-gauge shotgun shells. Multiple attempts murder you using a non-FIFA approved soccer ball in conjunction with a wicked bicycle kick proved folly at best.

And you took it all with an amphibious little smile. “Ribbit, ribbit,” you croaked, “you know you wanna hit it.” You monstrosity, you whore of Babylon. Your bulbous shaft was blown straight from the devil’s mouth…that’s what she said.

Goodbye forever. I hope you have a really tough time being green, you bastard.

xxxxxxx

Don’t cry, friend. That terrible frog bong can never hurt you again. I hope a look-see at this amazing music video for “Rabbit In Your Headlights” (ft. Thom Yorke) will dry those beautiful eyes.

>>>Click here to download Psyence Fiction at 320 kbps

TRACKLIST

1 Guns Blazing (Drums Of Death Part 1) 5:01
Lyrics By, Vocals – Kool G Rap
Music By – DJ Shadow
Recorded By [Vocals] – DJ Shadow , Kevin Scott
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Vocals [Additional] – Lateef The Truth Speaker , Lyrics Born
Written-By – J. Davis* , N. Wilson*
2 UNKLE Main Title Theme 3:24
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Written-By – J. Davis*
3 Bloodstain 5:57
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Performer [Sample] – Be Be K Roche*
Recorded By [Vocals] – James Lavelle , Jim Abbiss
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Vocals, Lyrics By – Alice Temple
Written-By – A. Temple* , J. Davis*
4 Unreal 5:10
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Performer [Sample] – Jules Blattner Group, The
Written-By – J. Davis* , Jules Blattner
5 Lonely Soul 8:56
Arranged By [Strings], Conductor [Strings] – Wil Malone
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Recorded By [Vocals] – Sie Medway-Smith , UNKLE
Strings – London Session Orchestra*
Written-By – J. Davis* , R. Ashcroft* , W. Malone*
6 Getting Ahead In The Lucrative Field Of Artist Management 0:56
Music By [The Entertainer (uncredited)] – Scott Joplin
7.1 Nursery Rhyme 4:45
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Recorded By [Vocals] – Jim Abbiss , UNKLE
Vocals, Lyrics By – Badly Drawn Boy
Written-By – D. Gough* , J. Davis*
7.2 Breather
Vocals [Breaths] – James Lavelle
8 Celestial Annihilation 4:44
Arranged By [Strings], Conductor [Strings] – Wil Malone
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By [Additional] – DJ Shadow
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Strings – London Session Orchestra*
Written-By – J. Davis* , W. Malone*
Written-by [Concerto For Strings And Beats] – Wil Malone
9 The Knock (Drums Of Death Part 2) 3:58
Bass, Theremin – Jason Newstead*
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Vocals, Lyrics By – Mike D
Written-By – J. Davis* , M. Diamond*
10 Chaos 4:42
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – Atlantique (2)
Producer [Additional] – DJ Shadow
Vocals, Lyrics By – Atlantique (2)
Written-By – A. Khan*
11 Rabbit In Your Headlights 6:20
Bass, Synthesizer – Thom Yorke
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Recorded By [Vocals] – Kevin Scott , UNKLE
Vocals, Lyrics By – Thom Yorke
Written-By – J. Davis* , T. Yorke*

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Will Smith has been a lot of things in his life. He started off as a loveable miscreant run amok in an affluent California community, mixing follies of youth with tough life lessons. Next, he served as the human race’s first ambassador, albeit informally, to visitors from another planet. Along the way he was twice nominated for the Saturn Award for Best Actor (?). Yes, he has worn a large pair of ears under many hats.

But can The Fresh Prince, with all of his achievements, be considered a bona fide badass? Let’s explore arguments for and against, shall we?

Arguments For!

1) Will Smith Works the Booty

Yes, you read that correctly. Will Smith works the booty. This isn’t that spectacular, you say. I too have worked the booty on several occasions, you say. But have you worked the booty in a public setting? On stage in front of hundreds, nay, thousands of screaming fans? Unless you work in the Red Light District of Amsterdam the answer is probably no. But Will Smith has. And it shook the room. The good stuff starts 21 seconds into the video.

Standin’ in a crowd of girls like a (sic) island

I see the one I want I said, “Come here cutie”

I flip her around and then I work that booty

Work the body, work work the body

Slow down girl you’re ’bout to hurt somebody

It appears that the booty was worked with a voracity that risked bodily harm to spectators in the immediate vicinity. That, my friends, is some pretty badass booty working.

**Also, check out the rigidity of FP’s dance moves. What’s the deal?

2) Will Smith’s real life butler is Geoffrey from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

He’s actually more of an indentured servant. I think it has something to do with Caribbean law, an expired visa and the awesome power of NBC and its parent company General Electric. I’m not really sure. But Will Smith eats a lot of mash potatoes…nearly a third of his own body weight in hand-mashed taters each day. And Geoffrey has terrible rheumatoid arthritis, which makes the 19-hour mashing shift unbearable. It takes a full-time surveillance team to ensure that Geoffrey doesn’t commit suicide. After all, who else would make Will Smith’s mashed potatoes?

But Will Smith doesn’t care, because Will Smith is hungrySo terribly hungry.

Help me, sir!

Against!

1) Will Smith Is A Closet Scientologist

Will Smith has time and time again rejected accusations that he is a practicing Scientologist. However, the Fresh Prince owns and operates a private school for affluent California children. One of the courses students take, in addition to Jiggynomics 101, is Study Technology. Study Technology is the Scientological approach to reinforcement of certain learning principles aimed at cleansing a student or student’s……blah blah blah. Check out the article from ABC News here. He’s basically a black Tom Cruise.

Just know that Will Smith’s music career was inspired by Scientologist founder L. Ron Hubbard’s soundtrack for Battlefield Earth. If you haven’t heard that soundtrack you’re in luck because it’s available for download on Rebuilt Tranny right here!

Take a little taste, if you dare:

2) Will Smith’s From Philadelphia

Yes, this is a real setback for Will Smith obtaining his Class A International Badass License. As you may or may not know, Will Smith’s ”from West Philadelphia, born and raised.” He spent much of that time doddling away in the copious slide n’ swing haunts dotting his neighborhood.

Technically, Philadelphia is a real-deal urban metropolis complete with the typical urban woes: drugs, prostitution, and of course violence. Philly is the 6th most dangerous city in the United States according to the highly reputable Morgan Quitno Press. So Will Smith probably did suffer a few bumps a bruises from the local Ruffians. Black Magic and Cherry Bombs were common practice on West Philly four square courts throughout the 80′s.

West Philly playground bully Billy “Bus Stop” Tonalito

So what’s wrong with Philadelphia? It’s often referred to as the ”City of Brotherly Love”. I’m sorry, but that just isn’t badass. Well, I guess it could be, if you were one of these guys:

Big Willy Style

So, is Will Smith a stud or a dud?

You make the call.

**

>>>Click here to download Code Red at 320 kbps

**

A1 Somethin’ Like Dis 4:08
Producer – Pete Rock
A2 I’m Looking For The One (To Be With Me) 4:35
Producer – Markell Riley , Teddy Riley
A3 Boom! Shake The Room 3:49
Producer – Mr. Lee
A4 Can’t Wait To Be With You 3:51
Producer – Will Smith
Vocals – Christopher Williams , Nuttin’ Nyce
A5 Twinkle Twinkle (I’m Not A Star) 5:23
Producer – Jeff Townes
A6 Code Red 3:30
Producer – Pete Rock
B1 Shadow Dreams 4:05
Producer – Hula & K. Fingers
B2 Just Kickin’ It 4:11
Producer – Hula & K. Fingers
B3 Ain’t No Place Like Home 5:08
Producer – Xavier Hargrove
B4 I Wanna Rock 6:19
Producer – Jeff Townes , Victor Emanuel Cooke
B5 Scream 4:31
Producer – Dallas Austin
B6 Boom! Shake The Room (Street Remix) 4:30
Producer – Mr. Lee
Remix – DJ Jazz , Jazzy Jeff* , Victor Emanuel Cooke

Note the most awkward album signing of the 21st century.

I went to see Themselves at the Southgate House in the winter of 2003 with my brother. At the time I had this little Canon digital camera that took its sweet old time capturing precious moments. So, it could take anywhere from 5 to 10 seconds from the time photographer pressed the clicker to when the shutter snapped.

Anyway, I went up to the merch booth after the show with my brother and struck up a conversation with Dose One. We discussed the show and how I worked with a guy that used to tour with him back in the day. While I was trying to help him remember how he used to rap with a guy I washed Porsches with, a guy named Zebediah, I got the brilliant idea that I should get my freshly purchased albums signed.

I asked Dose if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, to which he replied “hell naw” while whipping out black and silver markers. He signed The No Music original LP with a little black Sharpie drawing on the front. It was really quite adorable. For The Remixes he pulled out the sparkle silver job. I thought, “Yo Boy, you better get this histowic moment on record or your crew will NOT believe it. Word is bond!”

I handed Junior the janky little digi, struck the thumbs-up pose and copped a triumphant smile. Dose did his best to look excited and we froze the pose. And then everything hit slow mo. We both could see the little infrared autofocus light on the front blinking, so we just sat there waiting for the flash. And waited. And waited. I had totally forgotten about the totally unreliable snap. It was the longest 10 seconds of my life.

Suddently, Dose One grabbed my erect thumb and shook it. He grabbed that little dude and went down to Funky Town. What you see in the picture is the immediate aftermath of that member molestation. This wiggle ushered in a total loss of cool…and the moment I decided I’d never get an autograph ever again.

Click here to download The No Music at 320 kbps

Tracklist

A1 Terror Fabulous 4:03
The No Music Of Hospitals.
A2 Hat Set For Butler 2:42
  Remix [Demix] – Themselves
A3 Mouthful 4:12
  Keyboards, Bass, Guitar – Jerome Opena
Remix – Controller 7 , Matth
B1 Good People Check 5:03
  Remix – Hrvatski
B2 Poison Pit 3:15
  Remix – Why?
B3 Livetrap 2:51
  Remix – Hood
The No Music Of Mother’s Milk And Going Deaf.
C1 Only Child Explosion 2:56
  Remix – Alias (3)
C2 Dr.Moonorgun Please 3:20
  Remix – Grapedope*
C3 Darkskydemo 4:18
  Remix – Fog
D1 You Devil You 4:26
  Remix – Odd Nosdam
D2 Out In The Open 5:35
  Remix – Notwist, The
D3 Hat In The Wind 7:13
  Remix – Electric Birds

I’m proud to present to you a handful of high quality tracks from Fidel Catastrophe’s upcoming debut album: And The Bleak Shall Inherit The  Earth.

The Cincinnati outfit uses this highly synthesized jackhammer to pound the listener through frontman Karl Spaeth’s ear canal and straight into his medulla oblongata. Inside his slimy labyrinth you’ll find yourself rubbing shoulders with judgmental dead relatives, dodging tractor trailers on Ohio’s medieval highway system and possibly witnessing a terribly graphic cry job.

I’ve heard a whole boatload of versions on the journey toward this completed album over the past year or so. Tracks  chopped, diced, indian-burned…. tracks introducing the disturbingly maternal background vocals of Sophia Cunningham (JK SoCu)….tracks that abandoned instruments and vocals in favor of the primal sounds of a cat in heat locked inside a dishwasher. While I must say I am disappointed with the omission of the moist mew mew I am pickled pink with the final outcome.

However, there’s one final hurdle to making this vinyl a reality. Take a good listen to the three songs posted here and see if they’re to your liking. If so, make your way on over to Fidel Catastrophe’s Kickstarter website. There you will be given the option to make a contribution toward getting the disc pressed. $15 bucks will get you a copy of the actual vinyl AND a CD with demos that went into the writing and recording of the album. Contribute more and, well, you’ll get even more goodies. Just check out the link for details.

If you take a listen and don’t dig what you hear, well…you’re heading down a dangerous path. Also, stop being such a knob.

You can also find out more info about Fidel Catastrophe and hear a few more tracks at http://www.myspace.com/wisebloodwivesblood

Track Downloads

The Breeze Knees

An Endlessness, Thanks

Another Garden Song

*download below*

This is the album that shepherded me into the rolling knolls of Vinyl Hunters Valley. This is because it causes the most mysterious synaptic firings within my squishy grey matter. Makes my temples swell with a pleasing uneasiness. Causes mysterious pockets within my loins to quake and flutter.

It’s my HEAD, Schwartz, it’s MY HEAD!

OK, so basically I have no idea what it does to me but I’m certain it transmits some sort of ultrasonic frequency that says, “GO ON EBAY AND BUY A TURNTABLE RIGHT NOW. NOT LATER, NOW. TURN OFF COPS, YOU’VE SEEN THIS EPISODE, GUY, BUY ONE NOW.” So I did and never looked back.

Despite the fact that I love, love, love this album I’ve been avoiding reviewing it here because it’s difficult to capture the essence with letters. Most stereoponies love to saddle the “Trip Hop” label onto this album but that does it no justice whatsoever. That term conjures the visions of hippies listening to hip hop, smoking a big J and spouting, “whoa man this rap groove is, like, so trippy. It’s totally gnarring my buzz, man.” While this album will most likely multiply and sassify marijuana-induced intoxication it’s so unfair to tie it to pot culture. Endtroducing would never, EVER get caught dead in patchwork corduroy pants.

Our youth are under attack.

Other bucking vinylbroncos like to describe  the album by mentioning Endtroducing’s ingredients: hip hop, jazz, psychedelia, movie dialogue, television show trialogue, percussion samples etc. However none of these phonocowboys can ever really capture this wild one.  True, you get a flavor of each along the winding train ride through British Columbia that is Endtroducing but it’s so much more than bits and pieces. It’s like describing your favorite pizza to a friend and saying, “Yeah man I had this awesome food today it was, like, a bit of tomato, flour, a touch of salt and some, like, I think cheese.” Those ingredients are all fine and good but separately they wouldn’t do an Adriatico’s Bearcat Pizza justice just like calling this album a fusion of genres is a crime. The sum is much greater than the parts.

I think, maybe, this album is like watching the most beautiful little bubble you ever saw. You can watch it dance on the wings of an invisible wind but as soon as you try to capture the damn thing in your hands it’s gone. You’ve taken your dirty little paws and ruined such a magical, delicate thing. You should be ashamed of yourself. We were all having such a wonderful time watching that little orb. Next time chill out, stop trying to bottle it up and just behold its angelic splendor while the gettin’s good.

“From listening to records I just knew what to do…mainly I taught myself. And you know I did pretty well…there were a few mistakes that I have just recently cleared up. I’d just like to continue to be able to express myself as best as I can. I feel like I have a lot of work to do still. I’m a student of the drums and I’m also a teacher of the drums too. And I would like to be able to continue to let what is inside of me, which comes from all of the music that I hear, I’d like for that to come out, and it’s like it’s not really me…the music’s coming through me.”

What’s truly incredible about Endtroducing is how it was composed. You have to remember that this was created in 1996 and if anyone even had a laptop it could maybe hold a gigabyte of files, if you were lucky and rich. In addition, music manipulation software like AudioMulch or Adobe Audition hadn’t been invented yet. So, Shadow had to use an Akai MPC-60 music sampler/beat machine to cut, splice, and melt his tracks together. If you then take into consideration exactly how much trial and error of listening to thousands of big vinyl discs it took to find the necessary sounds for the album it becomes evident that either a miracle was performed in the making of Endtroducing or Shadow’s some sort of DJ genius. I prefer to believe the latter, especially after taking watching the following video.

So if you haven’t heard this album, regardless of what music you’re into, you need to get in the boat and get your float on. If you’re a fan you can always use a higher quality rip. And, if you really want to get deep, pick up the vinyl and take a voyage into the continental divide…of your mind!!!!

Click here to download Endtroducing

Tracklist

A1 Best Foot Forward 0:49
A2 Building Steam With A Grain Of Salt 6:40
A3 The Number Song 4:40
B1.a Changeling 7:51
B1.b **Transmission 1
B2 Stem/Long Stem 9:21
C1.a **Transmission 2
C1.b Mutual Slump 4:02
C2 Organ Donor 1:57
C3 Why Hip Hop Sucks In ’96 0:43
C4 Midnight In A Perfect World 4:57
D1 Napalm Brain/Scatter Brain 9:23
D2.a What Does Your Soul Look Like (Part 1 – Blue Sky Revisit) 7:28
D2.b **Transmission 3

*download below*

Click here for a sexy encounter with a random but consenting Rebuilt Tranny Records post!

Kris Kross is one of the greatest gimmick groups of all time. Better than Insane Clown Posse, better than The Aquabats, better than The Monkees even. Kris Kross, those loveable puppets of Jermaine Durpi, didn’t have to be creative with their gimmick. They just turned their clothes around. That’s it. Clothes turned around. Poof, famous.

I remember when kids would turn their pants around in 3rd grade after recess and pretend they were the super duo. It seemed so cool at the time but thinking back it was nearly impossible to walk and the zipper was on your butt. Yes think about that…the zipper was over your butt. What was Jermaine Dupri trying to tell us regarding his wunderkinds? I think the following picture sums it up nicely.

Black Dracula: So boyz, ya’ll mean ya’llz zipper is right over ya’llz butt cracks?

Kris Kross: Yes Black Dracula.

Black Dracula: Dat, my boyz, iz X-QUISITE!

Kris Kross: JUMP JUMP!

Click here to download I Missed The Bus

A1 I Missed The Bus (Backwards To School Mix) 4:00
A2 I Missed The Bus (School Krossing Mix) 2:56
Mixed By – Phil Nicolo
Producer – Andy “Funky Drummer” Kravitz* , Joe “The Butcher” Nicolo , Phil Nicolo
B1 I Missed The Bus (LP Version) 2:59
Backing Vocals – Eddie Weathers , Jermaine Dupri
B2 I Missed The Bus (Instrumental) 3:00