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Within potato cannon range of San Francisco lies a mysterious city called Oakland. I know very little about this sparsely inhabited wasteland. Mostly what I hear comes from the empty mouths of shrunken old women at BART stations. They tell stories I wouldn’t believe in dreams.

From their tales I’ve gathered a few key pieces of information. Supposedly the low-lying areas are inhabited by an athletic tribe of raiders that frequently demolishes the city in response to the cruel conditions within the fiefdom. This active rebellion generally blossoms at the Foot Locker, where frothing marauders flood the storefront until the collective appetite is whetted with fresh pairs of pillaged Jordans.

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The women tell me that when these maniacs aren’t stealing mad hops they generally snooze and laze the days away in a bubble of malevolent California heat. From time to time they escape this fever to San Francisco in canoes fashioned from discarded Street Sheet newspapers. While in the city they practice the traditional Oaklandish religious rite of taking frothy red shits at the top of the Embarcadero Station escalator.

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There are other stories of which I’ve only heard in passing:

That the premium pumps at Oakland gas stations dispense a blinding blend of bum wine for two pents a gallon.

That women were outlawed within the the city during the 1970′s. Any of the fairer sex who mistakenly stumble past the outer boundaries are quickly captured, bound with fine silk strands secreted from the Oaklandish male’s prostate, and fed live to chomping Oaklandish larvae.

And that the people of Oakland still use Myspace.

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Adorable.

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But there’s a part of me that thinks all of these stories are simply fabrications to keep us gullible San Frannies out of a hidden paradise. If Oakland is populated solely by a pillaging, all-male, insect-hybrid mob then how did such a phenomenal lady-birthed album emerge from its murky depths? Had those hollow-faced women lied to me all along? Who’s controlling these hyphens? Where are my car keys?!

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Could it be that just across the frigid bay lies a city filled with brilliant artistic promise? A city of unparalleled beauty and personal freedom? Where the sidewalks glow, not dissimilar to the fashion of Billy Jean? Where people don’t rock rollerblades, unicycles, and Segways while listening to Maroon 5 on stock iPod headphones like it’s no big deal…because believe me it’s a huge fucking deal?

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One of these days, when I’m feeling particularly brave, I will hop in my much neglected automobile and drive across the big gray bitch that is the Bay Bridge. I’ll shift into fifth, crest through the fog, and the powerfully angelic voice of Merrill Garbus will blast my soul like Moroni’s trumpet. Within the city limits I’ll be stopped by a gang of breathtaking eunuch crossing guards who’ll fetch my spirit’s fleshy temple from the drivers side and hoist its bobbing limbs sunward. The pleasure of knowing absolute sound–sound so pure you could drink it, piss it, and drink it again–will truly be mine. And I’ll all have a good cry.

Because that’s what you do when enjoying a really happy surprise.

You cry.

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Click here to peep perhaps the best album of the year. And then purchase a copy of your own because this is a keeper.

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It needs to be pointed out that some portion of this album was recorded in Dolores Park in San Francisco. Where this happened.

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The music video at the bottom of this post, which is one of the best I’ve ever seen, is NSFW. In response, here’s a scene-for-scene transcript for those morally handcuffed by a 9 to 5. Enjoy.

The cosmos is all there is,

or ever was,

or ever will be.

The cosmos is also within us,

we are made of stars.

We are about to begin a journey through the cosmos,

through the story of our own planet,

and the plants and animals that share it with us.

It’s a story about us.

We wish to pursue the truth

no matter where it leads.

But to find the truth we need

imagination and skepticism first.

We are going to explore the cosmos

in the ship of imagination.

Perfect as a snowflake,

light as a feather.

The ship will take us to the world of dreams,

and worlds of facts.

Come with me.

  1. Pablo Díaz-Reixa loads a Golden Cassette into a skeet shooter, which he then launches like a glittering canary into the sunlit future valley.
  2. The Golden Cassette ends its fancy-free flight abrubtly against an urban curb. It’s retrieved by a girl equally as golden and twice as nude. She gingerly inserts the Golden Cassette into a Golden Boombox.
  3. Pablo Díaz-Reixa records the sonic musings of a roadside bush.
  4. A mysterious man lifts an enormous rock.
  5. A young lady licks a forked tree branch against the sky.
  6. A dirtbike drives in circles around Pablo Díaz-Reixa while he records the buzz of its 2-stroke engine.
  7. A young lady leaps bottom-first into a supple sofa. Pablo Díaz-Reixa records the union of keister and cushion.
  8. A seated schoolgirl hoists her peach-colored skirt to expose today’s quiz written upon her bare thigh.
  9. A young woman faces away from the camera. With the thumb and index of her left hand she displays an eyeball to the audience.
  10. A leather-banded, topless brunette shoots an arrow with the aid of a simple bow.
  11. Two women in white lace dresses relax in the shallows of a calm lake.
  12. A woman with large glasses. A mirror reflecting Pablo Díaz-Reixa shatters. The woman’s glasses show a compound fracture in the left lens.
  13. A women removes her blouse in front of a cheap oil painting featuring tumultuous seas. She’s handed two sparklers and proceeds to shake vigorously.
  14. A showering, smoking explosion occurs two meters above the floor of a dark forest clearing.
  15. A man in a black shirt portages a bolt-action rifle at a sprint into the depths of a refreshing cement pool.
  16. Two men with gigantic fluorescent bulbs swing at one another, causing their bulbs to shatter in fantastic fashion.
  17. A crowd of technicolor peasants marches solemnly in X-formation across a desert.
  18. A young lady with red fingernails creates bubbles in a tall glass of milk with a bendy straw. The creamy froth overflows upon her smooth thigh.
  19. A large black ball drops aggressively in a black bucket. Blue liquid violently erupts from its confines.
  20. A short-denimed woman passionately kisses a nobleman’s marble statue.
  21. A lace-bloused woman sensuously performs CPR upon a similar woman whilst half submerged on a shallow shore.
  22. A crystal ball succumbs a dark forest’s rolling fog.
  23. A manhand takes possession of a woman’s stockinged thigh.
  24. A manhand commandeers a woman’s gold anklet.
  25. A woman severs the hip of her white cotton panties with an intimidating hunting knife. The result is a spectacular display of flesh.
  26. A raven-haired, bespectacled lady sucks on another’s big toe.
  27. A ghastly white-faced, white-haired figure pirouettes on white rollerskates through a shadowy discotheque.
  28. A movie theatre crawls with of furries.
  29. Masked banditos abscond with a prized calico rabbit down the alley of a Spanish barrio.
  30. Topless revolucionarias discover Pablo Díaz-Reixa hiding in bushes and give him a swift kick in the ass.
  31. A redhead and sandy blonde flash commuters from the overpass of a major highway.
  32. Nude women don bandanas with true stick-em-up flair.
  33. Pablo Díaz-Reixa records the mating of two chickens and one man on a queen-size bed.
  34. A wavy-haired tweezer falls victim to a chloroform assault.
  35. Potted flowers hold court on the edge of the racquet’s domain.
  36. Two topless women skim for pennies at the base of a small inland spring.
  37. A woman pursues what appears to be an infantile bull shark in waters it’d never call its own.
  38. An ancient candle long-melted upon and around a woman’s hand.
  39. A prudish woman lights her smoke with the flame of an eternal raven.
  40. Chickens that never were crash upon a maiden’s brow in ecstasy.
  41. Liquid blue flame dances harmlessly upon El Mano.
  42. A woman balances 14 towels precariously upon her left shoulder while lighting a cigarette. Towels tumble pathetically.
  43. Dr. Menendez instructs a blonde to perform the basic motor skills test of touching one’s left index finger to the tip of the nose.
  44. Pablo Díaz-Reixa swears an oath to a new age priest upon a paperback biography of Dutch soccer legend Johan Cruyff. The priest etches a single line upon Pablo Díaz-Reixa’s hand with a thick black marker.
  45. A leather-clad nomad pleads with invisible gods in a shallow, sandy billabong.
  46. A leather-caped woman runs from a dark hollow. She’s horrified to find a skull posted upon a tree at eye level.
  47. A trenchcoated woman sits with her head nestled sideways on a wooden table. Upon her temple rests a shallow saucer. A handled spoon enters, taking its share of the saucer’s creamy contents.
  48. Three women in white cotton dresses dance against he dying light of a setting sun.
  49. A brunette breathes in the light of a glowing crystal ball.
  50. A checkered-tweed hombre offers the seat of a red 10-speed to a mamasita in a short skirt, yellow scarf, and black stockings. As she mounts her metal steed her undies become the very intentional center of attention.
  51. An irregular polyhedron composed of straws sits oddly on a concrete floor.
  52. A hairbrush/mophead hybrid rests in juxtaposition with an aluminum tray filled with cigarette butts.
  53. Colored cotton balls on long, thin dowels protrude from a clump of silver tinsel.
  54. A man rides through an underpass on a beach cruiser at high speed. He is trailed by sparks.
  55. A 50/50 grind down the nose of a Crown Victoria taxi.
  56. A woman engulfed in blue forest smoke.
  57. In a darkened locker room a shirtless man shoots a stuffed panda in the head using a semiautomatic pistol.
  58. A skeleton emerges from beneath a bed to grab a woman’s ankle as she plants her foot on a thick rug.
  59. A large branch is struck against a calm lake surface, creating a shimmering rainbow spray.
  60. A pair of legs kicks wildly while trapped under an immense pile of laundry.
  61. A wall sprouts an arm that reaches aimlessly for a pair of audio samplers.
  62. A man extends his index finger wildly through his zipper to simulate a wiggling penis.
  63. A paper-bagged woman plays a piano.
  64. A back lot cowboy murders a white plywood box.
  65. Two women in white satin dresses attempt mutual homicide in a lake.
  66. Two nude women ride bicycles slowly away from the camera.
  67. Two women’s hair twists together to form a single French braid. The woman on the braid’s right tickles the woman on the left’s ear.
  68. A woman licks a forked branch once again.
  69. A man in white briefs stuffs a second pair of briefs down a vacuum hose. He then proceeds to stick the vacuum hose down his own briefs.
  70. A woman again smashes yet-to-be chickens on her brow.
  71. A man bent over a desk. Several books stacked upon the small of his back. Smooth, colorful stones placed in an oval near his mouth. Pablo Díaz-Reixa eats one of these stones with chopsticks.
  72. A man in a red long-sleeved shirt drowns beautifully.
  73. Pastel Klanswomen roam a dry, grassy hillside.
  74. A shirtless gladiator in black spandex thrusts his broadsword triumphantly toward the heavens.
  75. A beautiful nude Golden Girl fondles a Golden Cassette.

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Download The Album From Vinyl

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Tracklist 

A1 Bombay 3:39
A2 Novias 3:23
A3 Ghetto Fácil 2:44
A4 Soca Del Eclipse 4:10
A5 Lycra Mistral 3:49
B1 FM Tan Sexy 3:42
B2 Muerte Midi 3:47
B3 (Chica-Oh) Drims 3:39
B4 Danza Invinto 5:07

On Monday I’m hopping in my Mazdaspeed Protege, pointing west, and making an incredible journey to San Francisco via Route 66. AAA couldn’t provide a continuous map via digiweb, so my boo and I are going old school and finding tee pee motels, giant blue whales of the open plains, and the real Cadillac Ranch using some type of paper guide that folds in the most disgusting fashion. During this dangerous trip we’ll need some good thinking music and I couldn’t think of a better album to copilot than Yo La Tengo’s Fakebook. Its pining vocals and floating guitars scream open roads and unreconciled Midwestern emotion.

See, I’m leaving Cincinnati for good. I’ve lived here for 20 years and have a lot of stored-up memories. Over the four or five days we’ll spend driving across this great country my mind will roll the footage of a life spent cradled in the Midwest’s overly-warm bosom. I’m hoping that Fakebook will enhance the picture clarity and contrast of these toasty times, both good and bad, as they flicker across my Brain-O-Vision.

I can’t afford LCD.

Here’s a list of the 15 things, in no particular order, that I’ll be missing most from in and around the Queen City.

1. Penn Station

Yes, Penn Station is an East Coast Sub shop founded in Cincinnati. And yes, my favorite sub is a Philly Cheesesteak. But there’s something about Penn Station that’s just SO freakin’ good. I’ll take mushrooms, onions, banana peppers, mayo AND pizza sauce over the real deal cheese whiz sammich any day.

*Make sure you get it wrapped up to go so the meaty juices fully saturate the criminally addictive french bread. MMMM.

2. Contemporary Arts Center

The CAC is the coolest 6 floors I’ll ever climb.  It plays host to internationally-acclaimed contemporary art in a city known for little more than a now-forgotten show called WKRP In Cincinnati. The curators also change the exhibits in a timely pace so the work never gets old. AND THE BUILDING IS JUST SO FUCKING COOL.

*The top floor is all interactive art. It’s meant for kids but hey, I’m a grown-ass man and no 3rd-grader is going to remove me from the rocking trailer against my will.

1st Floor at the CAC

CAC, on the corner of 6th and Walnut

3. Cincinnati Museum Center at Union Terminal

One of the best Art Deco buildings in the entire nation. It was originally a train station built in the 30s and almost demolished during the 70s but now plays host to three attractions: the Cincinnati History Museum with its very cool scale model of WWII-era Cincy, the Museum of Natural History has a spooky man-made cave with a strange, musty smell I’ll never forget, and the OMNIMAX Theater uses an encapsulating dome screen to keep moviegoers on the verge of puking.

*Check it out on a Saturday and get the free Rotunda Tour. This will take you through the President’s Office, which is a circular Art Deco dream of inlaid wood and stainless steel.

The Rotunda: The world’s largest half dome filled with absolutely incredible mosaics of the American Dream.

I want to live in this room.

4. Cyclones Hockey Games

Cincinnati has two major league sports teams, but the most exciting sporting organization is a Minor League Hockey Team. The Cyclones have won the ECHL’s Kelly Cup two out of the three past seasons, which also makes them the most successful professional sports team in Cincinnati. The games and the fans are always raucous. If you’re lucky, like I once was, you’ll get picked to play musical chairs out on the ice between periods.

*Cyclones games are always the most lively on Big Beer or Dollar Beer Nights. You can imagine why.

#1 Fan

5. The Southgate House

The best mansion-cum-music venue in Cincinnati is right across the river in Newport, Kentucky. The Southgate House has three stages: a big ballroom (which features the best sound system within 300 miles) complete with wraparound balcony, a large music parlour upstairs with all sorts of creepy paintings from knock-off old world masters, and Junie’s Lounge featuring open mic acts, local flavors and portraits of dead presidents. The whole place oozes character.

*The Southgate House is a great place during the summer to catch a drink because of its large porch, which rocks older country-western/folk music and affords patrons a limited view of Great American Ballpark.

Birthplace of the Thompson Submachine Gun, aka “Tommy Gun”

6. Lenhardt’s and Christy’s Goetta Grilled Cheese

Goetta is a Cincinnati delicacy that’s somewhat like breakfast sausage and all about preparation. I’ve tried so many times to recreate Christy’s Goetta Grilled Cheese at home but just can’t. Even the multiple variations I’ve tried at Goettafest don’t come close. You have to try Christy’s heavenly toasted treat at least once.

*Visit Christy’s in the summertime during the day to avoid a crowd and enjoy your Goetta Grilled Cheese with a cold Franziskaner Hefeweizen and a free round of bocceball on their outdoor biergarten. You can also enjoy their wood-slathered rathskeller (basement bar) in the winter.

Better than it looks.

7. Quatman Cafe

One of the most unassuming little joints you’ll ever visit has some the best burgers around. No fancy toppings, just a big slab of onion and thin slices of sweet pickles. Most times I’ve been there they’ve taken money off the bill at checkout for no reason other then they’re nice people. It’s the perfect example of what Midwestern dining should be: no nonsense deliciousness blended with honest-to-goodness hospitality.

*Don’t miss out on Hudepohl Beer on tap with frosty mugs.

Minus the can.

8. Cincinnati’s Surprisingly Good Vinyl Shops

Not one, not two, not three, but four good vinyl shops in Cincinnati. There are a few other small players as well. But be sure to check out Everybody’s Records, Shake-It Records, Moles CD & Record Exchange, and Another Part Of The Forest.

*You can find links to all of these fine vinyl establishments at the bottom of this page.

Mole’s small but succulent front room collection.

9. Oktoberfest Zinzinnati

Munich’s sister city throws one hell of an Oktoberfest with over 1,000,000 visitors each year. Stick to the pork schnitzel and a refillable stein for one killer weekend. Just make sure you’re careful when the Chicken Dance kicks in.

*Sometimes things can get pretty crazy at this rowdy beer festival. Click here to see what I mean.

10. Mother’s Day Steamboat Cruises On The Ohio River

The best way to take your beautiful mom out for a view of Cincinnati’s beautiful skyline is on the Belle of Cincinnati, an honest-to-god pirate steamboat.  The river is nice (as long as you’re not swimming in it) but the best part is the piano-playing dude in a straw boater hat who performs on the Belle. He’ll sing the hokey-pokey while a bunch of drunk middle-aged women shake their goods on a floating dance floor. If you’re lucky, and the weather’s nice, you’ll get to hear this Ragtime Rambler jam on the calliope poised upon the top deck.

*The following video is of the Delta Queen’s calliope in action, not the Belle of Cincinnati , but it’s the same deal.

11. Mainstrasse and Its Many Festivals

I used to live off of Mainstrasse in Covington, KY, which is immediately across the river from Cincinnati and walking distance to Paul Brown Stadium. It’s the perfect place for those who love hoofin’ it to their social rendezvous. There are over 20 bars and restaurants within 5 minutes walking distance and each establishment plays host to a kaleidoscope of folks.

Plus, Mainstrasse is home to a whole slew of festivals throughout the year. This includes Maifest, Oktoberfest, Goettafest, The World’s Longest Garage Sale and also hosts a farmers’ market every Saturday throughout the summer. Good times.

*Check out Village Pub and get their Russian beer special. It’s $3 for a 25 oz. bottle of 9% alcohol beer from St.Petersburg. It’s like a Soviet Four Loko, but tasty.

It’s really long.

12. Bitching About The Bengals

Every year Bengals fans say, “This is going to be the year. Carson’s knee hasn’t rejected the alpaca knee joint transplant. Ochocinco’s cut down his mirror collection from 2,000 to 1,000 units. Anthony Muñoz has a bitchin’ new Furniture Fair commercial.” And every year the Bengals take a dump in our hearts.

Yet, somehow, we always stick with them even though we’ve viciously sworn them off. It’s not because we really think they have a chance of winning a new season. It’s because we love having our dreams crushed. We want the Bengals to be just good enough to muster dreams of the playoffs so they can lose in a hilariously inept fashion.

After all, Cincinnatians are sports masochists by heart.

>>>Click here for some vintage Bengals tunes.

13. Red River Gorge in Daniel Boone National Forest

Combine some of the oldest woods in the world, miles upon miles of challenging trails and rock climbing paths, unique geological structures like rock houses and natural bridges with a hands-off approach to park policing and you get one of the best camping areas in the Eastern United States.

*There are all sorts of hidden campsites in the Gorge. The best are located under the ampitheatre-like rock houses and rock walls. Many have big stone bonfire pits and stone seats where you can relax and investigate the weird cave wildlife overhead. These sites are technically off limits for camping but enforcement is relaxed.

God’s Country. Not the vengeful one.

14. Fall

I’m excited to leave behind the sticky summers and indecisive winters but will definitely miss fall. I love the changing of the leaves, getting pumpkins from the patch and mixing fresh cider with spiced rum. But I think I’ll miss the smell of fall more than anything…the smell of burning foliage emanating from the mysterious woodland house near my parents’ place.

Yes, I’m going to miss that smell. And the smell of gunpowder from that mystery homeowner as he shoots his shotgun into a pile of chopped wood during a whiskey bender.

15. Jack Atherton’s Bedroom Eyes

Bonjour, mon cheri.

>>>Click here download Yo La Tengo’s Fakebook, the album that made these memories possible, at 320 kbps

Tracklist

1 Can’t Forget 2:13
2 Griselda 1:54
Written By – Antonia Apodeca
3 Here Comes My Baby 2:26
Written By – Cat Stevens
4 Barnaby, Hardly Working 4:12
5 Yellow Sarong 1:37
Written By – Scene Is Now, The
6 You Tore Me Down 2:48
Written By – Chris Wilson , Cyril Jordan
7 Emulsified 2:46
Vocals – Pussywillows, The
Written By – Rex Garvin
8 Speeding Motorcycle 3:16
Guitar – Georgia Hubley
Written By – Daniel Johnston
9 Tried So Hard 2:13
Written By – Michael Clarke
10 The Summer 2:40
Bass – Gene Holder
11 Oklahoma, U.S.A. 2:18
Organ – Georgia Hubley
Written By – Ray Davies
12 What Comes Next 3:11
13 The One To Cry 1:47
Double Bass [Fiddle], Vocals – Peter Sampfel
Written By – Escorts, The
14 Andalucia 3:33
Organ – Georgia Hubley
Written By – John Cale
15 Did I Tell You 3:21
16 What Can I Say 2:03
Written By – Joey Spampinato

This album’s spent a lot of time spinning in a smoke-filled room. Not smoke from an unattended panini press. Not smoke from a curling iron left on an Ikea shag rug. Not the smoke Glenn Beck’s blowing up America’s ass.

Nay, it’s the smoke that huffs and puffs from a frog bong. Yes, the frog bong you used begrudgingly as a replacement for the perfectly nice, perfectly non-jumping bong your brothers broke while playing soccer in the apartment. The frog bong you “forgot” to pack in the big move. The frog bong you never got to say goodbye to…until now.

Wow, sweet. A frog. On a bong. Awesome.

Dear Frog Bong,

I never really liked you very much. You were an ugly mess of glass with a stupid frog blown on your side, for crying out loud. You were an exaggerated cliche of marijuana culture that showed up unwelcomed after the tragic loss of a good friend. Your beady little eyes eternally mocked his demise between each and every rip.

Every chillout, every prized stash, every slammin’ party was ruined just a little bit by your presence. Your unnecessary girth was a continual source of shame and coffee table dents. How many times did you ruin a potential friendship with your shitty ambiance? How many times did your deceivingly narrow downstem clog as soon as I flipped on disc two of my UNKLE album? Only endless fingers on endless hands could count the times.

I would have destroyed you if it were possible. However, several attempts to annihilate your faux permeable skin proved fruitless. A drop from the fourth floor balcony onto 33 E. McMillan Street didn’t create so much as a scratch. Letting my crack-dealing neighbor blast your facade repeatedly with his shotgun only deprived the world of a dozen 12-gauge shotgun shells. Multiple attempts murder you using a non-FIFA approved soccer ball in conjunction with a wicked bicycle kick proved folly at best.

And you took it all with an amphibious little smile. “Ribbit, ribbit,” you croaked, “you know you wanna hit it.” You monstrosity, you whore of Babylon. Your bulbous shaft was blown straight from the devil’s mouth…that’s what she said.

Goodbye forever. I hope you have a really tough time being green, you bastard.

xxxxxxx

Don’t cry, friend. That terrible frog bong can never hurt you again. I hope a look-see at this amazing music video for “Rabbit In Your Headlights” (ft. Thom Yorke) will dry those beautiful eyes.

>>>Click here to download Psyence Fiction at 320 kbps

TRACKLIST

1 Guns Blazing (Drums Of Death Part 1) 5:01
Lyrics By, Vocals – Kool G Rap
Music By – DJ Shadow
Recorded By [Vocals] – DJ Shadow , Kevin Scott
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Vocals [Additional] – Lateef The Truth Speaker , Lyrics Born
Written-By – J. Davis* , N. Wilson*
2 UNKLE Main Title Theme 3:24
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Written-By – J. Davis*
3 Bloodstain 5:57
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Performer [Sample] – Be Be K Roche*
Recorded By [Vocals] – James Lavelle , Jim Abbiss
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Vocals, Lyrics By – Alice Temple
Written-By – A. Temple* , J. Davis*
4 Unreal 5:10
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Performer [Sample] – Jules Blattner Group, The
Written-By – J. Davis* , Jules Blattner
5 Lonely Soul 8:56
Arranged By [Strings], Conductor [Strings] – Wil Malone
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Recorded By [Vocals] – Sie Medway-Smith , UNKLE
Strings – London Session Orchestra*
Written-By – J. Davis* , R. Ashcroft* , W. Malone*
6 Getting Ahead In The Lucrative Field Of Artist Management 0:56
Music By [The Entertainer (uncredited)] – Scott Joplin
7.1 Nursery Rhyme 4:45
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Recorded By [Vocals] – Jim Abbiss , UNKLE
Vocals, Lyrics By – Badly Drawn Boy
Written-By – D. Gough* , J. Davis*
7.2 Breather
Vocals [Breaths] – James Lavelle
8 Celestial Annihilation 4:44
Arranged By [Strings], Conductor [Strings] – Wil Malone
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By [Additional] – DJ Shadow
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Strings – London Session Orchestra*
Written-By – J. Davis* , W. Malone*
Written-by [Concerto For Strings And Beats] – Wil Malone
9 The Knock (Drums Of Death Part 2) 3:58
Bass, Theremin – Jason Newstead*
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Scratches [Cuts And Skratches] – DJ Shadow
Vocals, Lyrics By – Mike D
Written-By – J. Davis* , M. Diamond*
10 Chaos 4:42
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – Atlantique (2)
Producer [Additional] – DJ Shadow
Vocals, Lyrics By – Atlantique (2)
Written-By – A. Khan*
11 Rabbit In Your Headlights 6:20
Bass, Synthesizer – Thom Yorke
Mixed By – Jim Abbiss
Music By – DJ Shadow
Recorded By [Vocals] – Kevin Scott , UNKLE
Vocals, Lyrics By – Thom Yorke
Written-By – J. Davis* , T. Yorke*

I tierd wtrinig smoe tpye of ting auobt tihs alubm but culodn’t baucese teh dance gto a thgit girp on ym ass.

Movies featuring songs from this album:

Pretty In Pink

Trainspotting

American Psycho

Married To The Mob

Hot Tub Time Machine

Salvation!

24 Hour Party People

Something Wild

Blade

Bright Lights, Big City

The Beach

D.E.B.S.

Marie Antoinette

Splendor

Désordre

The Wedding Singer

Threesome

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Click here to download Substance 1987 ripped from vinyl to 320 MP3

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Tracklist

A1 Ceremony 4:22
Producer – Martin Hannett
Written-By – Joy Division
A2 Everything’s Gone Green 5:30
Producer – Martin Hannett
A3 Temptation 6:58
Engineer – Michael Johnson
B1 Blue Monday 8:12
B2 Confusion 4:41
Engineer – Michael Johnson
Written-By – Arthur Baker
B3 Thieves Like Us 6:36
Written-By – Arthur Baker
C1 The Perfect Kiss 8:46
Producer – Michael Johnson
C2 Subculture 4:47
Remix – John Robie
C3 Shellshock 6:27
Written-By – John Robie
D1 State Of The Nation 6:31
D2 Bizarre Love Triangle 6:41
Remix – Shep Pettibone
D3 True Faith 5:53
Producer – Stephen Hague
Written-By – Stephen Hague

Most of me absolutely loves this song. I first heard it on one of the 80′s comps I purchased during junior high. It wasn’t initially familiar but the mysterious vibe, what I would later come to recognize as “indie” or “80′s alternative” or “guitar and vocals”, really drew me in. I still have fond memories of long family road trips, rocking my Panasonic G-Shock, and getting lost Under The Milky Way.

Water Resistant, 40 Second Shock Protection, 1-bit MASH digital-to-analog converter, XBS Bass Boost, Rubber Buttons…WELCOME TO THE FUTURE

But there’s a memory that will always slightly taint this song for me. My ex-best friend: Daryl Waits. You see, one day I was listening to the comp containing “Under The Milky Way” with Daryl. He enlightened me to the fact that his creepy, sadistic step dad was obsessed with this song. He didn’t know why and didn’t dare ask his dad for fear of a belt whoopin’. I’ve always wondered why a mysterious father-figure, someone quite different from a hill-bombing teenager, would love this song.

***Disclaimer: The name of the aforementioned’s been changed to protect my throat from being slit.

Ok, so this post was supposed to be about the The Church and why you should enjoy their hit single.  However, I’ve decided to not be stingy by keeping Daryl’s memory for my own. I’m a generous person and feel that he should ruin for you as well

I want you to imagine that Daryl has moved into your home. He’s sleeping in your family room on a futon he bought at Wal-Mart with a bad check. While sitting/laying on that futon he passes time playing Grand Theft Auto 3 on one of the four PS2s he bought at Wal-Mart with other bad checks. Every single button on every single controller from those Playstations sticks because Daryl’s diet consists solely of Tahitian Treat Fruit Punch and Sour Patch Kids. And he has hammer thumbs like Megan Fox which drive gummy globs deep into plastic crevices.

Never search “hammer thumbs” on Google with SafeSearch off.

During Daryl’s tenure as unwanted guest, “Under The Milky Way” mocks you on repeat from the Hi-Fi in your living room. Under normal circumstances you could just switch the system off…but you find it’s impossible. The stereo’s power plug and on switch are both frozen place by a Sour Tahitian Industrial Strength Bond.

Daryl continues on living in your family room. Only now he’s bought a Bow Flex with a credit card he activated using your name and SSN. He’s lifting every day, with more and more and more weight. Daryl soon buys a second Bow Flex because he’s bored with maxing out the squat capacity for a single machine. This man is in your family room, simultaneously squat thrusting on two bow flexes. Daryl’s becoming a hulking, sticky, stinky mess that can’t be moved from your domicile.

To make matters worse, he’s started adding Everclear to his daily case of Tahitian Treat. So, you now have a hulking, sticky, stinky, drunk mess lounging on a futon and stressing the support beams in your living room while passing bad checks at every business in your town. Grain alcohol hangovers leads to pissing in the corner every morning instead of making the short trip to the bathroom. Of course you try confronting him about the growing yellow stain but he only slurs obscenities and throws PS2s into the drywall in response.

And your stereo doesn’t tire, and the verses keep echoing:

Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find
Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find

And then, one day, Daryl says he’s joined the Navy and will be out by the end of the week. You’re ecstatic but also confused. But after a little thought it just makes sense: he was looking for a place where he could earn praise for sculpting his guns while maintaining full-body stickiness.

Let’s be buff and sticky together, fellas! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

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Click here to download Under The Milky Way 12″ to 320 kbps MP3

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Final Note: There’s a strange dolphin-like squeal at the very beginning of the track. It only lasts 5 seconds. I did a low pass filter at 16 khz for that duration of the song to prevent listeners from freaking out in dog-whistle fashion. Hell, you might not even notice it. But if you do, don’t worry…you’re not imagining things.

With the new cooling fan finally installed on my Gibson it’s time to get back into things with an 8-bit uppercut to the nuts. This is one of the most prized black biscuits in my collection. It arrived mysteriously one day as an apology for a late-sent album I won on eBay. At first I had no idea what it was…no markings of any kind on the album sleeve or the disc itself, except for the Headbanger rocking triumphantly in the cover’s upper right corner.

So, I put the disc on and almost instantly it blew the top off of my head. All the kilobytes, nay, megabytes of Nintendo strategy blasted through my domepiece in a volcano of flashing blue/red screens and turbo firepower.

CONTRA DESTROYER

Doctors were able to locate all but a 4 square inch chunk missing from the tippy top . It’s totally worth it…I just can’t play full contact sports and my friends still call me Poached Egg Baby.

If you’ve never heard this album, or even if this 12″ holds a tender position on your iPod, you must get this rip. I took extra liberty with boosting the BASS when I ripped it to MP3. God, it’s so good.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD GAMEBOY VARIATIONS AT 320 kBPS

1 Bad Cartridge (E-Pro Remix) 2:54
  Remix – Paza (The X-Dump)*
2 Bit Rate Variations In B-Flat (Girl Remix) 2:44
  Remix – Paza (The X-Dump)*
3 Gameboy/Homeboy (Qué Onda Guero Remix) 2:37
  Remix – 8 Bit*
4 Ghettochip Malfunction (Hell Yes Remix) 2:41
  Remix – 8 Bit*

** Supplementary: Were any of you that little shit who had a Gameboy in elementary school? Maybe you went to Shawnee Elementary? Yeah, you brought your big ass, Nintendo-approved portable GameBoy vault that had a whole slew of games and extra batteries AND headphones. You displayed that personal gaming temple prominently at the berth of your cubby… just so everyone could look but not touch. At lunch you made everyone take turns being your best friend–”Check out this sweet Lightboy attachment,” you said. “The lurid claws of night are of no consequence for my Gameboy and me,” you said.

Yeah, so you let me borrow it. And I had a ball using that Lightboy as I sat playing Tetris on a box of Utah riverbed fossils in the dark seclusion of my bedroom closet. But it didn’t last. You eventually made me give that GameBoy back; despite the repeated trade offerings of my baby brubba. How could you be so cruel?

I’m proud to present to you a handful of high quality tracks from Fidel Catastrophe’s upcoming debut album: And The Bleak Shall Inherit The  Earth.

The Cincinnati outfit uses this highly synthesized jackhammer to pound the listener through frontman Karl Spaeth’s ear canal and straight into his medulla oblongata. Inside his slimy labyrinth you’ll find yourself rubbing shoulders with judgmental dead relatives, dodging tractor trailers on Ohio’s medieval highway system and possibly witnessing a terribly graphic cry job.

I’ve heard a whole boatload of versions on the journey toward this completed album over the past year or so. Tracks  chopped, diced, indian-burned…. tracks introducing the disturbingly maternal background vocals of Sophia Cunningham (JK SoCu)….tracks that abandoned instruments and vocals in favor of the primal sounds of a cat in heat locked inside a dishwasher. While I must say I am disappointed with the omission of the moist mew mew I am pickled pink with the final outcome.

However, there’s one final hurdle to making this vinyl a reality. Take a good listen to the three songs posted here and see if they’re to your liking. If so, make your way on over to Fidel Catastrophe’s Kickstarter website. There you will be given the option to make a contribution toward getting the disc pressed. $15 bucks will get you a copy of the actual vinyl AND a CD with demos that went into the writing and recording of the album. Contribute more and, well, you’ll get even more goodies. Just check out the link for details.

If you take a listen and don’t dig what you hear, well…you’re heading down a dangerous path. Also, stop being such a knob.

You can also find out more info about Fidel Catastrophe and hear a few more tracks at http://www.myspace.com/wisebloodwivesblood

Track Downloads

The Breeze Knees

An Endlessness, Thanks

Another Garden Song

Ok, so I installed Windows 7 and it’s been a mess getting all of my previous settings back in order for record ripping. I think it’s all sorted out but if you encounter any problems please let me know so that I can get the fixed ASAP.

One curious thing I did notice about this disc is how off-center the hole is on the record. This caused the needle to sway back and forth like an Alaskan crab fishing vessel while the record spun, which was quite a sight to see. Luckily, my Technics SL-10 is a zero tracking error champion so it didn’t affect the playback. However, I wonder how it would fare on a more rudimentary turntable.

Despite this I recommend picking up a hard copy from Drag City at this linkJust make sure you have your tonearm set up right.

But while you wait for your box set to arrive via Karl “The Mailman” Malone check out disc two of Have One On Me.

Download

My laptop crashed so I’m attempting the near impossible: posting this through my Wii. It’s giving me motion sickness. I’ll be attending Joanna’s Cincy tour stop at Memorial Hall on the 30th so check back for a review and the next two discs of “Have One On Me”.