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The majority of this album is a genre of music called “axé”, which is a mixture of reggae, marcha, calypso, with a little bit of salsa. Axé hails from the city of Salvador in the Atlantic coastal state of Bahia in Brazil. You really only need to know one thing about Axé: it makes you feel like the guy on the lower left hand corner of the album’s cover.

“Deixe-nos dançar.” Translation: “AWW HELL YEAH THIS IS MY JAM!”

Seriously, listen to any song on this album and try to sit still. No tapping the toes, no nodding the noggin, no flaring the nostrils. Complete and perfect stillness.

You can’t because it’s perfectly impossible to resist the Axé Effect. If you attempted a stationary position through Tânia Alves’ “Amor De Matar” your brain would end up boiling over through your ears and onto the the floor in a squishy puddle, upon which your roommate would perform the following dance maneuvers:

Yes, this album will make you shake your ass. Hard. I recommend inspecting any and all rivets that unite your badonk and pelvis before listening to Tempo De Bahia.If you don’t your bum bum could wiggle off completely, bounce down the hall, through the front door, down to the Greyhound station, and on its way to picking up a gig as a roadie on the El Debarge comeback tour. Frightening, yes, but entirely plausible.

I can’t help but feel a bit worried that this album will cause all sorts of problems once released upon the sedentary people of the United States. Americans have never used the muscles exhibited in the first video. They know how to line dance and mosh. If they’re feeling really wild they can opt to Jump On It. That’s it.

If this shit ever goes mainstream (which is very likely since it’s on the wildly popular Rebuilt Tranny’s Rat Rod Record Exchange) we’re going to see a 2,000,000,000% increase in hip, elbow, knee, and spinal dislocations in this country. 90% of of the workforce will be bedridden from axé-related injuries.  Almost the entire population will be without their life-giving Fourth Meals. How will Americans get their daily ration of bovine binders of extenders? It’s best not to visualize such horrors.

But would it be worth the complete loss of Crunchwrap Supremes for these sweet Brazilian jams? Naturalmente.

>>>Click here to download Tempo De Bahia at 320kbps


A1 Celso Bahia – Neguinhos 4:32
A2 Novos Baianos*  – Besta É Tu 4:24
A3 Moraes Moreira – Do Caribe 3:31
A4 Muzenza – Jamaica No Peito 2:56
A5 Chiclete Com Banana – I Love Chiclete 4:07
A6 Geronimo – Lambada Da Delicia 3:12
B1 Tânia Alves – Amor De Matar 4:16
B2 Banda Mel – Bagdá 4:29
B3 Laranja Mecânica – Mama África 4:57
B4 Missinho – Ouro De Orumila 2:59
B5 Moraes Moreira – Preta Pretínha 5:08
B6 Ara Ketu – Semente Da Memória 3:48