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This is one of the of the weirdest, corniest, and most annoying records you’ll ever hear.  I guarantee you’ll love every minute of it.  Here’s a breakdown of the tracks, now with spell check!

1) Lonnie Donegan – Does Your Chewing Gum Lost Its Flavour  (On The Bedpost Overnight)

I can only imagine that this was one of the few tracks that was benign enough to appeal to both kids and senior citizens during the dawn of the tumultuous 60s.  The weirdest part of this track is the wild applause from the crowd at the song’s close.  Seriously, this song gets your rocks off that hard?

So sticky.

2) Brian Hyland – Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

A sugary track from back when hittin the beach in a two-piece was grounds for a lynching in many parts of the Gulf Coast.  I like to play this song while I’m watching footage of the nuclear tests performed in Bikini Atoll.  Beautiful.

She was afraid to come out of the locker.

3) The Ran-Dells – Martian Hop

Insanely catchy with outer space party lyrics?  Count me in.  Too bad the glory only lasts 2 minutes and 16 seconds.  That makes moonman cry.

4) The Hollywood Argyles – Alley-Oop

Apparently there was some comic strip back in the day called Alley-Oop that was famous and this song capitalized on it.  He rode around on a dinosaur and was basically the poor man’s Fred Flinstone minus the ever-sexy Wilma.

Stamp worthy.

5) Ray Stevens – Gitarzan

On paper this song should be totally unlistenable:  a jungle themed song sung by a Disney version of Lou Reed.  But the full band accompaniment complete with horn section just blasts its way into the Coca Cola Chill Zone.  I’m sorry I ever doubted you.


6) The Trashmen – Surfin’ Bird

This is the only song I want played at my funeral.

7) Allan Sherman – Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh!

This summer camp-themed song just makes me itch. My stepdad told me that his siblings and he would listen to Sherman’s record over and over back in the 60s. For some reason, unknown to the modern psychologists, it really cracked their shit up. I guess the lyrics reminded them of their own summer camp experiences. When recounting such totally lame memories they had no choice but to laugh or to cry.

So mega lame.

8. Bobby (Boris) Pickett – Monster Mash

The undisputed king of Halloween songs has two unbelievable fun facts attached to it:  It hit number one on the charts in 1962 and was banned by the BBC the same year for being too offensive.  Huh?

Maybe DRAGULA was the culprit.

9) Larry Verne – Mr. Custer

This track pays tribute to General Custer’s ill-fated final battle at Little Big Horn. For some reason I just imagine the band members recording this in between swigs from XXX moonshine jugs and spilling all over cornflake-encrusted mustaches.

Even this dog couldn’t save him.

10) Napoleon XIV – They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!

Try listening to this song on repeat for an hour.  Now imagine doing that for a week straight.  I did it.  Don’t ask why, but I did.  And I’m much worse for it.

11) Dr. West’s Medicine Show & Junk Band – The Eggplant That Ate Chicago

In the past sleepy ragtime saloon music and Madlibs just seemed like a good idea.  It’s taken 50 years but science has finally proven that assumption wrong.

His favorite song.

12) Rusty Warren – Bounce Your Boobies

Yes, a song sung by a woman about wobbling your titties to and fro in an itchy polyester sweater until the friction causes a flash fire which destroys all life within a 3 mile radius.  Man the 60s were a great time to be alive.

13) Tiny Tim –  Tip-Toe Thru’ The Tulips With Me

Radio stations were trying really hard in the 60s to captivate audiences and a creepy ass dude playing a ukulele was just the trick. I wish I had his teeth in a jar.


14) Tom Lehrer – So Long, Mom (A Song For World War III)

My only gripe about this song is that it wasn’t feature in Dr. Strangelove.  It’s the only thing I can think of when I hear this.

“So long mom, I’m off to drop the bomb.”

Check it out here, you wizenheimer! Demento Presents The Greatest Novelty Records of All Time Vol. III The