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Category Archives: General


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This video features “The Look of Love (Part 1)”. Part 3 from Side B of this single is a very slight variation on this theme. The USA Dub Remix on Side B is totally weird. Enjoy.

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Click here to download the MP3 conversion from the 12″

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A The Look Of Love (USA Remix – Dub Version) 7:37
B The Look Of Love (Part 3 – Dance Version) 4:17

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At the end of O Brother, Where Art Thou? the beloved protagonists are faced with quite a dilemma: let the lawman get to hangin’ or take a quick bum rush for a hopefully painless suicide-by-cop. You never expect what’s coming.

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You’re goddamn right, a flood right out of nowhere! Not the kind that ruins cities and drowns old women but the kind that rescues a lovable group of good-natured convicts from certain death! It’s also the kind of flood that was built right here in America by God-fearing Americans. Yep, that’s right…this flood was brought to you by the electric hands of the Tennessee Valley Authority.

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Let me step back here for a minute. You see, back during the 30′s when this movie takes place we in America had this thing called a Depression. That means nobody had  good-paying job with which to raise a family. Many men, like Ulysses, Delmar, and Pete, turned to crime just to make ends meet. And then there were those who joined government-sponsored work programs like the Civilian Conservation Corps, Works Progress Administration, and Tennessee Valley Authority–or TVA for short.

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The role of the TVA was to develop the rural areas of Tennessee, Kentucky, Alabama, North Carolina, West Virginia, Mississippi, and Georgia. This was a good thing for most of men from this area, as they were either flat broke or skimming by on profits from a measly moonshine operation. Of course, this is a blatantly stereotypical generalization of a proud and diverse people. However, it is also true.

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Moonshine still in Knox County, Tennessee. Photographed by TVA in 1936 as part of its Fort Loudoun Dam surveys. See, I told you so.

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In any case, almost all of the hydroelectric dams that are still operating in the area were built or planned during the period of the late 30′s by the TVA. This construction program, which was government-funded, was a big reason that thousands Appalachian people didn’t starve during those trying times. It also still powers the Daytona 500 into the living rooms and outhouses of millions of hillbillies.

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Today Americans are faced with a similar situation of those folks in the Great Depression. We have millions of able-bodied men and women who are receiving unemployment support from the federal and state governments. Without this help many would be forced out onto the streets, where they very well might end up like Ulysses, Delmar, and Pete–hunting for a hidden treasure that simply doesn’t exist.

But the big difference today is that these men and women on unemployment aren’t expected to offer anything in return. They don’t build dams, don’t blaze concrete trails through inhospitable lands, and last time I went camping I didn’t see anybody planting trees.

I’m all for helping people get on their feet during times of need. It’s an American responsibility to take care of other tax-paying, anthem singing ‘Mericans. But I also feel that the folks on unemployment should give something back to the community that’s paying their mortgage.

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So down what avenues of the public sector can we send these brave men and women. Let’s not set them to building environmentally harmful hydroelectric dams. It seems there are plenty of roads already built throughout this Great Nation, many of which I haven’t even driven on. And last time I went camping it seemed there were just about the amount of trees, give or take.

Here’s what I propose: enlist these fine people as a sort of police for modern social tact. We’ll call them the Silicone Valley Authority, simply because it works for the intents and purposes of this blog. Here’s a list of the SVA’s 10 most pressing duties.

Duty 1) Patrol vigilantly for people listening to standup comedy on their iPod. Arrest at sight.

Seriously, I hate the way you laugh.

Duty 2) Prevent everyone from posting cool videos on Facebook before I do.

At least give me a chance, jerk.

Duty 3) Discourage, violently, all German tourists from flaunting their good times on our weak American dollar.

Hey Hans, those glasses don’t look smart at all.

4) Commandeer and destroy any iPad that is operated by a user who is in motion under his or her own power.

If you don’t get off the sidewalk I will smack that thing right out of your hand.

5) Ban Twitter

I’m not going to lie, I still don’t get it.

6) Execute a successful viral marketing campaign to make old flip phones cool again.

My cell is so vintage.

7) End self-satisfying, rambling blog posts that have absolutely nothing to do with the post’s original subject matter.

Fine, be that way.

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Click here to download the 10-year anniversary clear vinyl-to-MP3

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Please take a moment to review the three following pieces of information. The first is a video from National Geographic explaining the barbed penis that’s common among all male felines.

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The second is a photograph of dance choreographer George Balanchine viciously hurling Mourka across his posh New York brownstone. This photograph was captured by the cold lens of dance photographer Martha Swope.

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The third is a promotional poster of the original Broadway cast of Cats. It was primarily displayed throughout the subway systems of New York City.

According to the New York Times, 20% of the performers you see here died of AIDS–all of them male. One male performer later died of a “cocaine overdose” shortly after receiving word he’d been given the role of Jean Valjean in Les Misérables.

This poster was also photographed by Martha Swope.

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The question I pose to you, dear reader, is who would have wanted the male cast members of Cats dead? Of course, the direct culprit is none other than Martha Swope.

But who was funding her devious mission? Who would have had the resources? Who would have viewed sexy, virile male cats as a threat?  Who had a barbed penis with which to fuck the innocent hopes and dreams of honest Americans?

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Photo taken during the planning stages of Operation Poison Dart. The whereabouts of Peanut and Sledgehammer are unknown.

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Click here to download Disc 1

Click here to download Disc 2

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BONUS SONG

This one goes out to RyGuy.

Your bodily functions will forever live on in our hearts.

Even the stinky ones.

Stinkyheart Memories.

Gross.

RIP buddy, see you at the big bagel in the sky.

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Click here to download Bodily Function in MP3 converted from vinyl LPs

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From the album cover:

Out of the blue of the western sky…comes SKY KING!

That’s the way it all started back in the late 1930s.

For more than 30 years Sky King was to be America’s flying cowboy, proving week after week, on radio and television, that law and order always wins out over bad and evil.

Sky King was introduced to the American public in the 1940s as a radio series. Young people and their older brothers and sisters and mothers and dads gathered around the radio set to listen to Sky and the familiar hum of his aircraft, The Songbird.

From the Flying Crown Ranch, Sky, his niece Penny and nephew Clipper flew the skies and rode the trails, chasing an assortment of kidnappers, bank robbers and other assorted criminals.

The series moved to television in 1952, with Derby Foods syndicating Sky King in various markets. Nabisco bought the show in 1955 and moved it to the CBS network, where it maintained a spot at the top of the ratings for children’s shows through 1967, when Sky King retired from the airways.

Sky King is currently being syndicated through television stations across the nation and to worldwide outlets with programming beginning in the fall of 1975. A new color television series is also on the drawing boards, along with a brand-new radio series that will soon be heard once again. Sky King has been America’s most popular and famous Flying Cowboy.

These recordings include the original advertisements for Peter Pan Peanut Butter, who was the sponsor for the radio program. Apparently Peter Pan Peanut Butter is guaranteed to make you an all-around kickass kid with huge muscles and killer clout. I’m fairly certain these spots were originally written as menthol cigarette ads. When you listen, consciously insert “Camel Menthol 100′s” in place of “Peter Pan Peanut Butter”…it’s beautiful. And makes you want a peanut butter & tobacco sandwich.

Check out these ads from the 50s. I particularly like how the second one extols the healthy benefits of delicious egg nog.

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Click to download MP3 adventures of the machine gun-toting Sky King

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Bonus! I love the mysterious love note on the album sleeve from SilverFox to SkyQueen

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Adorable

Within potato cannon range of San Francisco lies a mysterious city called Oakland. I know very little about this sparsely inhabited wasteland. Mostly what I hear comes from the empty mouths of shrunken old women at BART stations. They tell stories I wouldn’t believe in dreams.

From their tales I’ve gathered a few key pieces of information. Supposedly the low-lying areas are inhabited by an athletic tribe of raiders that frequently demolishes the city in response to the cruel conditions within the fiefdom. This active rebellion generally blossoms at the Foot Locker, where frothing marauders flood the storefront until the collective appetite is whetted with fresh pairs of pillaged Jordans.

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The women tell me that when these maniacs aren’t stealing mad hops they generally snooze and laze the days away in a bubble of malevolent California heat. From time to time they escape this fever to San Francisco in canoes fashioned from discarded Street Sheet newspapers. While in the city they practice the traditional Oaklandish religious rite of taking frothy red shits at the top of the Embarcadero Station escalator.

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There are other stories of which I’ve only heard in passing:

That the premium pumps at Oakland gas stations dispense a blinding blend of bum wine for two pents a gallon.

That women were outlawed within the the city during the 1970′s. Any of the fairer sex who mistakenly stumble past the outer boundaries are quickly captured, bound with fine silk strands secreted from the Oaklandish male’s prostate, and fed live to chomping Oaklandish larvae.

And that the people of Oakland still use Myspace.

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Adorable.

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But there’s a part of me that thinks all of these stories are simply fabrications to keep us gullible San Frannies out of a hidden paradise. If Oakland is populated solely by a pillaging, all-male, insect-hybrid mob then how did such a phenomenal lady-birthed album emerge from its murky depths? Had those hollow-faced women lied to me all along? Who’s controlling these hyphens? Where are my car keys?!

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Could it be that just across the frigid bay lies a city filled with brilliant artistic promise? A city of unparalleled beauty and personal freedom? Where the sidewalks glow, not dissimilar to the fashion of Billy Jean? Where people don’t rock rollerblades, unicycles, and Segways while listening to Maroon 5 on stock iPod headphones like it’s no big deal…because believe me it’s a huge fucking deal?

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One of these days, when I’m feeling particularly brave, I will hop in my much neglected automobile and drive across the big gray bitch that is the Bay Bridge. I’ll shift into fifth, crest through the fog, and the powerfully angelic voice of Merrill Garbus will blast my soul like Moroni’s trumpet. Within the city limits I’ll be stopped by a gang of breathtaking eunuch crossing guards who’ll fetch my spirit’s fleshy temple from the drivers side and hoist its bobbing limbs sunward. The pleasure of knowing absolute sound–sound so pure you could drink it, piss it, and drink it again–will truly be mine. And I’ll all have a good cry.

Because that’s what you do when enjoying a really happy surprise.

You cry.

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Click here to peep perhaps the best album of the year. And then purchase a copy of your own because this is a keeper.

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It needs to be pointed out that some portion of this album was recorded in Dolores Park in San Francisco. Where this happened.

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This album was released in 1960. The Mormons, or the Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-Day Saints, didn’t give black male members the power to bless their families, baptise their children, or marry in the temple until 1978. Yes, you read correctly, the Priesthood was withheld exclusively from men of African and Asian descent until 1978. Somehow the Mormon PR machine has done an incredible job of keeping their history of sanctioned racism under wraps, even while they have a candidate running for president.

So, in lamentation of this religion’s contemporary racism, here are the five worst racist quotes from LDS leaders and their segregation-of-the-soul soundtrack.

But first a little background. The Mormons, for 148 years, were hell-bent in the belief of the “Mark of Cain”. Basically, they believed that anyone with rich reserves of melatonin is a direct descendant of Cain, the world’s first murderer. Supposedly God turned Cain, along with every member of his direct lineage, black as punishment for his unforgivable sin. According to Mormons this sin, and skin, prohibited them from rejoicing fully in the fruits of God’s love.

Officially Mormons reversed their racist doctrine during the heyday of disco but this is one of those instances where you have to call no take backs.

Read more about this absurd doctrine here.

5) Apostle & Editor of Salt Lake City’s daily newspaper Deseret News – Mark E. Petersen

What would Jesus do?

Can we account in any other way for the birth of some children of God in darkest Africa, or flood-ridden China, or among the starving hordes in India, while some of the rest of us are born here in the United States? We cannot escape the conclusion that because of performance in our pre-existence some of us are born as Chinese, some as Japanese, some as Latter-day Saints. These are rewards and punishments…a Chinese, born in China with a dark skin, and with all the handicaps of that race seems to have little opportunity.

– Apostle Mark E. Petersen at the Convention of Teachers of Religion, BYU, Utah, August 27, 1954

4) Apostle & Utah State Representative –  George F. Richards

I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t preach racial hatred.

The Negro is an unfortunate man. He has been given a black skin. But that is as nothing compared with that greater handicap that he is not permitted to receive the Priesthood and the ordinances of the temple, necessary to prepare men and women to enter into and enjoy a fullness of glory in the celestial kingdom.”

-Apostle George F. Richards at General Conference, April 1939

3) Prophet, Father to 34 Children, & British Expatriate – John Taylor

He said something about loving one another, and growing beards…but definitely not neck beards.

After the flood we are told that the curse that had been pronounced upon Cain was continued through Ham’s wife, as he had married a wife of that seed. And why did it pass through the flood? Because it was necessary that the devil should have a representation upon the earth as well as God.

– Prophet John Taylor from Journal of Discourses Vol 22, pg. 305, August 28, 1881.

2) Prophet, First Governer of Utah, & namesake of the NCAA Basketball sweethearts BYU – Brigham Young

It’s hard to forget the past when said past is filled with such complete and utter dick moves.

“Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African Race? If the White man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so.”

– Brigham Young from Journal of Discourses, pg. 109-110, March 8, 1863

1) Prophet & US Secretary of Agriculture – Ezra Taft Benson

Yep. Soak it all in.

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Click here to download Mormon Hymns at 320 kbps

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The music video at the bottom of this post, which is one of the best I’ve ever seen, is NSFW. In response, here’s a scene-for-scene transcript for those morally handcuffed by a 9 to 5. Enjoy.

The cosmos is all there is,

or ever was,

or ever will be.

The cosmos is also within us,

we are made of stars.

We are about to begin a journey through the cosmos,

through the story of our own planet,

and the plants and animals that share it with us.

It’s a story about us.

We wish to pursue the truth

no matter where it leads.

But to find the truth we need

imagination and skepticism first.

We are going to explore the cosmos

in the ship of imagination.

Perfect as a snowflake,

light as a feather.

The ship will take us to the world of dreams,

and worlds of facts.

Come with me.

  1. Pablo Díaz-Reixa loads a Golden Cassette into a skeet shooter, which he then launches like a glittering canary into the sunlit future valley.
  2. The Golden Cassette ends its fancy-free flight abrubtly against an urban curb. It’s retrieved by a girl equally as golden and twice as nude. She gingerly inserts the Golden Cassette into a Golden Boombox.
  3. Pablo Díaz-Reixa records the sonic musings of a roadside bush.
  4. A mysterious man lifts an enormous rock.
  5. A young lady licks a forked tree branch against the sky.
  6. A dirtbike drives in circles around Pablo Díaz-Reixa while he records the buzz of its 2-stroke engine.
  7. A young lady leaps bottom-first into a supple sofa. Pablo Díaz-Reixa records the union of keister and cushion.
  8. A seated schoolgirl hoists her peach-colored skirt to expose today’s quiz written upon her bare thigh.
  9. A young woman faces away from the camera. With the thumb and index of her left hand she displays an eyeball to the audience.
  10. A leather-banded, topless brunette shoots an arrow with the aid of a simple bow.
  11. Two women in white lace dresses relax in the shallows of a calm lake.
  12. A woman with large glasses. A mirror reflecting Pablo Díaz-Reixa shatters. The woman’s glasses show a compound fracture in the left lens.
  13. A women removes her blouse in front of a cheap oil painting featuring tumultuous seas. She’s handed two sparklers and proceeds to shake vigorously.
  14. A showering, smoking explosion occurs two meters above the floor of a dark forest clearing.
  15. A man in a black shirt portages a bolt-action rifle at a sprint into the depths of a refreshing cement pool.
  16. Two men with gigantic fluorescent bulbs swing at one another, causing their bulbs to shatter in fantastic fashion.
  17. A crowd of technicolor peasants marches solemnly in X-formation across a desert.
  18. A young lady with red fingernails creates bubbles in a tall glass of milk with a bendy straw. The creamy froth overflows upon her smooth thigh.
  19. A large black ball drops aggressively in a black bucket. Blue liquid violently erupts from its confines.
  20. A short-denimed woman passionately kisses a nobleman’s marble statue.
  21. A lace-bloused woman sensuously performs CPR upon a similar woman whilst half submerged on a shallow shore.
  22. A crystal ball succumbs a dark forest’s rolling fog.
  23. A manhand takes possession of a woman’s stockinged thigh.
  24. A manhand commandeers a woman’s gold anklet.
  25. A woman severs the hip of her white cotton panties with an intimidating hunting knife. The result is a spectacular display of flesh.
  26. A raven-haired, bespectacled lady sucks on another’s big toe.
  27. A ghastly white-faced, white-haired figure pirouettes on white rollerskates through a shadowy discotheque.
  28. A movie theatre crawls with of furries.
  29. Masked banditos abscond with a prized calico rabbit down the alley of a Spanish barrio.
  30. Topless revolucionarias discover Pablo Díaz-Reixa hiding in bushes and give him a swift kick in the ass.
  31. A redhead and sandy blonde flash commuters from the overpass of a major highway.
  32. Nude women don bandanas with true stick-em-up flair.
  33. Pablo Díaz-Reixa records the mating of two chickens and one man on a queen-size bed.
  34. A wavy-haired tweezer falls victim to a chloroform assault.
  35. Potted flowers hold court on the edge of the racquet’s domain.
  36. Two topless women skim for pennies at the base of a small inland spring.
  37. A woman pursues what appears to be an infantile bull shark in waters it’d never call its own.
  38. An ancient candle long-melted upon and around a woman’s hand.
  39. A prudish woman lights her smoke with the flame of an eternal raven.
  40. Chickens that never were crash upon a maiden’s brow in ecstasy.
  41. Liquid blue flame dances harmlessly upon El Mano.
  42. A woman balances 14 towels precariously upon her left shoulder while lighting a cigarette. Towels tumble pathetically.
  43. Dr. Menendez instructs a blonde to perform the basic motor skills test of touching one’s left index finger to the tip of the nose.
  44. Pablo Díaz-Reixa swears an oath to a new age priest upon a paperback biography of Dutch soccer legend Johan Cruyff. The priest etches a single line upon Pablo Díaz-Reixa’s hand with a thick black marker.
  45. A leather-clad nomad pleads with invisible gods in a shallow, sandy billabong.
  46. A leather-caped woman runs from a dark hollow. She’s horrified to find a skull posted upon a tree at eye level.
  47. A trenchcoated woman sits with her head nestled sideways on a wooden table. Upon her temple rests a shallow saucer. A handled spoon enters, taking its share of the saucer’s creamy contents.
  48. Three women in white cotton dresses dance against he dying light of a setting sun.
  49. A brunette breathes in the light of a glowing crystal ball.
  50. A checkered-tweed hombre offers the seat of a red 10-speed to a mamasita in a short skirt, yellow scarf, and black stockings. As she mounts her metal steed her undies become the very intentional center of attention.
  51. An irregular polyhedron composed of straws sits oddly on a concrete floor.
  52. A hairbrush/mophead hybrid rests in juxtaposition with an aluminum tray filled with cigarette butts.
  53. Colored cotton balls on long, thin dowels protrude from a clump of silver tinsel.
  54. A man rides through an underpass on a beach cruiser at high speed. He is trailed by sparks.
  55. A 50/50 grind down the nose of a Crown Victoria taxi.
  56. A woman engulfed in blue forest smoke.
  57. In a darkened locker room a shirtless man shoots a stuffed panda in the head using a semiautomatic pistol.
  58. A skeleton emerges from beneath a bed to grab a woman’s ankle as she plants her foot on a thick rug.
  59. A large branch is struck against a calm lake surface, creating a shimmering rainbow spray.
  60. A pair of legs kicks wildly while trapped under an immense pile of laundry.
  61. A wall sprouts an arm that reaches aimlessly for a pair of audio samplers.
  62. A man extends his index finger wildly through his zipper to simulate a wiggling penis.
  63. A paper-bagged woman plays a piano.
  64. A back lot cowboy murders a white plywood box.
  65. Two women in white satin dresses attempt mutual homicide in a lake.
  66. Two nude women ride bicycles slowly away from the camera.
  67. Two women’s hair twists together to form a single French braid. The woman on the braid’s right tickles the woman on the left’s ear.
  68. A woman licks a forked branch once again.
  69. A man in white briefs stuffs a second pair of briefs down a vacuum hose. He then proceeds to stick the vacuum hose down his own briefs.
  70. A woman again smashes yet-to-be chickens on her brow.
  71. A man bent over a desk. Several books stacked upon the small of his back. Smooth, colorful stones placed in an oval near his mouth. Pablo Díaz-Reixa eats one of these stones with chopsticks.
  72. A man in a red long-sleeved shirt drowns beautifully.
  73. Pastel Klanswomen roam a dry, grassy hillside.
  74. A shirtless gladiator in black spandex thrusts his broadsword triumphantly toward the heavens.
  75. A beautiful nude Golden Girl fondles a Golden Cassette.

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Download The Album From Vinyl

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Tracklist 

A1 Bombay 3:39
A2 Novias 3:23
A3 Ghetto Fácil 2:44
A4 Soca Del Eclipse 4:10
A5 Lycra Mistral 3:49
B1 FM Tan Sexy 3:42
B2 Muerte Midi 3:47
B3 (Chica-Oh) Drims 3:39
B4 Danza Invinto 5:07

Play this at your party if you want Fun Fun, Fun Fun.

Click here to download Fun Fun

1. Bailo Bolero (Bolero Mix)9:20 with sexy vocals

2. Bailo Bolero (House Mix) 11:23 of sexy beats